Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How can you for give some one who really truely hurt you ?

Hi , I have a baby boy , who is now 2 . The father wanted nothing to do with him disowned him since he was born and used to beat me and yell and scream at me . He was a bad drunk but yet it was always my fault. I have remarried and has had another beautiful child . My current husband has been a great father to our son and our daughter. he is his only father he has known. Any who this guy , He has seen our son once acted like he like it and enjoyed it but has forgotten him like its nothing since i have no longer make the first move to make things happen . It hurts me and i dont know why . I just want the best for my family, but how do i do that when it still scares me to truly fall in love with my wonderful husband. How can i let go and just forgive the evilness my ex did to my son and i ? So i can move on inside and out! !! ... so we can move on together and i dont feel left behind?!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • You do not need to forgive what one horrible man did to you in order to love another. Your husband is not your ex. You can move on but you do not need to forgive him.
    CraftingMama

    Answer by CraftingMama at 10:34 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Oh honey, its going to be hard. This man isnt your ex. Just remember he is a completely different man that is here to stay. He put a ring on your finger and is taking care of your son as if he is his. You have a beautiful daughter together now. Its time to forget about the past. I would try to make this other man be in your son's life or yours... Let that part of your life go. Its better for you and your son. You dont want someone who is there one day but not the next for your son. He needs consistency. You are loved by your husband. He wants to be there for you and your family. It might take awhile to truly let him in MORE, but I think you are on the right track. Best of luck.

    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 10:38 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Well thanks ladies! It brings a tear to my eyes while i was reading . It just hard , Forgiving is because i hold such a guilt and regret twords him i feel its wrong to do that . Two wrongs dont make a right * right?! Kiansmom0423 .. Your so right i do need to let him in more and i try and try everyday ! Its just with everything that has happend with that man , i take my anger that i hold still till this day twords him , and take it out on my husband y do i do that ?! I do not want to ! I love him .. i just feel like i keep pushing him further and further away , but when i ask him if he feels the same sometimes he says no and sometimes he says he js dont understand me . I can not talk to him about this bc he thinks i compare him to that man I do not . I just want this to go away but being in Germany and ways away from my family i have no one eghh sry ladies if this is sappy lol !
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:51 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • hello, i can completely relate to what ur going thru as we speak!
    I divorced abt 2 yrs. ago long story short my ex has custody of our children an i get visitation e/o wknd! An he was abusive etc. the whole 9 yards! ( thats a whole nother issue!) anyhow i am with the most wonderful man now, he is caring and treats me like a humanbeing! he dose stuff for me and when we have my youngest he spends one on one time w/ him and actualy dose things w/ him!
    any way like u i have had to learn how to trust all over again, an learn to love on a differnt level... I also have to remind myself that i am calable to forgive my ex but a person will never forget the stuff u have to go through to get where they are today!! the things that i have endure will always be in the back of my mind but i try every day not to let it occupy with my life now... I know its easier said than done but as ervery day goes by it gets a lil easier...
    heiditr

    Answer by heiditr at 10:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • i can relate! my son's dad sounds exactly like your ex! scary1 lol but it's just a matter of reminding yourself that your current BF is NOT your ex. has he ever given you a reason to be scared, to hide in fear of being hit? it might take time, but in the end,you'll get there. =)

    you also need to forgive yourself too.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 10:14 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN