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2 Bumps

Dont know what to do

During spring break we stayed with my family for several days (my dh doen't like them). During this time we went out together one night while my parents watched my son (normally when were there DH goes out everynight without me). All was good the next morning we took my son to a kids thing. My parents took my nephew who does have some behavior problems he is young and going through a lot. He didn't do that bad. Well after my son did his thing my DH was ready to go. I wanted to stay and watch some of the other kids. He said fine then i'll go he wanted to walk around down town. I said fine lets go. My parents invited us to go eat later, My DH got mad because we mad plans. I just asked if he wanted to go. He said he wasn't ready. (of course it wasn't at this time they wanted to go. He was rude and hurt my parents feeling as always. We made it through the day he went out again with his friends he text and said they were going to the bars and he'll let me know where I felt like he was inviting me. I waited until he text and said he was ready to go. I went to pick him up and he got in the car and said he was hungry I asked where and he said he didn't care. I took him to a place and he got mad, that he wasn't going to eat.... Then we got back to my parents house and I aksed him what I did because he was mad. He said I should know.... of course I kept asking what. He told me to talk to his lawyer. It ended up a screaming match. He said he was taking our son in the morning to me it sounded like taking for good. I said no. He got really pissed and threated me and my parents (shooting I know he wouldn't though). He also brought up the past. When we moved I missed some payments that we caught up on but they were under his name. He said it was $1800 but I had made a payment that would of got there the next day, They also told me to have him write a letter and it will be taken off. He stated at that time he had divorse paper written. I also asked about whe I was preg. and he was living else where if he cheated. He said yes but never completed the action he felt guitly andkicked her out I supposly asked his friend about this don't remember. I also asked about another girl he states their just best friends and didn't do anyting. He also told me how his parents think I am a lier and they know about all of this. They never onces said anything and I was there at their house without him and his parents said I love you like always. He started calling us names etc... He ended up sleeping in the car. He came in the next moring and wouldn't talk to me. Through out the moring we talked about basketball, UFC. Our dive home was quiet with a little random talking. We did sleep in the same bed and you know. I don't know what to do I have a lot of debt I don't want him to know about and don't want him to pay if we get a divorse which I don't want this will come out. I do love him. He won't even say that anymore. It has felt force for a little while. SOrry this is so long. I also talked with him mom at christmas and never once knew about his problems.

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Asked by aus14 at 10:40 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (309 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Sounds like you both have a lot of secrets. I don't think that is healthy for any relationship. Communication is the key to getting this relationship back on track.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 10:46 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • He seems like he has anger issues. He wont even say he loves you anymore? are you staying because you are worried about him finding out about your debt? I can't figure out why you are staying but I hope you find a way to move on and live in peace. No one should have to walk on egg shells all the time!

    Answer by ria7 at 10:47 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • are you married to a 12 year old? Seriously this sounds like ex hus #2 for me. Freakin run - you can't win. His Mother (god love her) actually told me to run and I married the idiot anyway. This is MY personal opinion of course and I'm sure I'll catch flack but I say cut your losses file for bankruptcy and divorce. Doesn't sound like you are blameless however if you are married and have a lot of debt your DH doesn't know about that - not cool either but he sounds like a child. Only YOU know whats best based on all the details but I say cut your losses and get the hell out.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 10:47 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • My DH didn't have a job for a year after we got married and he is currently unemployed again. He lost this job because of his "best friend" allegly were together. Some of the things I have debt with is what he bought and I just haven't paid them off and he thinks I did.

    Comment by aus14 (original poster) at 10:54 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • By the way this is the first time since we have been married I haven't worked 2 jobs....

    Comment by aus14 (original poster) at 10:55 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • His grandmother also without telling her anything told me not to take his sh>>> he had tried to get into fights with outers in the past. We were also kick out of a bar the night we went out.

    Comment by aus14 (original poster) at 10:59 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Well it sounds like he is immature and unable to deal with reality and you two have some trust/honesty issues. I can only tell you from my experience dealing with someone like this - I couldn't. Every time I would leave - he'd be all "oh baby baby I'll change - I see the error of my ways" I'd take him back and 3 months later - same kettle of fish. It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship - but again we are strangers reacting to the info you post. I say listen to that "little voice" inside.....what is it telling you to do?

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 11:01 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I want to listen to that I love him and want to stay but I feel like I have to watch what I say or he gets mad and this is how it was been for the past 7 years....

    Comment by aus14 (original poster) at 11:05 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I think the problem in your marriage is immaturity. Growing up takes time, and it also takes guidance and patience. I think what you both need is someone who will take you under their wings and model for you what is a marriage between two mature adults. It would be wonderful if it were someone whom both of you knew and admired. If you know of such a couple, I would invite them to dinner and tell them you two really need some guidance and help in getting your marriage on the right track. This is the kind of challenge that many older married couples would delight in having so don't be afraid to ask!

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:12 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • you two need to sit down and see if you each love each other...without shouting...enough to go through the issues, no matter what they are together. I don't care how much YOU love your parents...YOUR spouse isn't going to feel that give him a break there. My MIL is a witch and treats me like crap, but treats everyone else like angels so we can't get along at all. But she tells everyone she loves me to death...yeah right. Just sit down talk it out like rational adults, dont stay with someone so they can pay ur debts off that is lame.

    Answer by ky_phoenix at 11:49 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

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