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My daughter

My daughter wont talk to me , her best friend died on Friday and she will not say anything to me about him . She's been crying since Friday night when it happen she had just got off the phone with him minutes before it happen ... He was driving  down the road and  hit a patch of ice and  the car was tossed over a bridge . 2 boys died that night  and one got out  while the  car sank in the river ! today is the wake  and she is going  but she still will not talk to me I'll I can do is hold her while  she cries   I guess that's all I can do until shes ready to talk  .... what scars me even more is Earlier that night my daughter was in his car, omg is all I can keep saying  to my self (what if) she was in that car when it happen  I've been crying also  sorry I need to vent to someone ! I just don;t know what to do to help my poor 13 year old daughter !

 
mommyfitzgerald

Asked by mommyfitzgerald at 10:47 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (100 Credits)
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Answers (16)
  • MY 15YR OLD DD JUST HAD A FRIEND OF HERS DIE TOO ON MARCH 11 HE GOT HIT BY A CAR. IT WAS TRAGIC. SHE WENT TO THE FUNERAL AND CAME HOME VERY UPSET. ALL U CAN DO IS LET HER KNOW U ARE THERE IF SHE NEEDS TOO TALK OR A SHOULDER TOO CRY ON. MY DD SAID ITS NOT FAIR HE WAS STILL A KID AND I TOLD HER HUNNY LIFES NOT FAIR BUT HES NOT SUFFERING ANYMORE. ITS HARD TO DEAL WITH BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. I WROTE MY DD A POEM AND SHE LOVED IT. I TOLD HER SHE STILL HAS HIS MEMORY. REASSURE HER OF THAT TOO. AND IM VERY SRRY ABOUT THE LOSS.
    chris1975

    Answer by chris1975 at 9:01 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • She will need time, space, and support. Grieving is healthy and everyone does it in their own way. Her grades may slip, she may not want to go out with other friends for awhile and thst's normal. As long as she isn't being self destructive, let her be.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 10:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • You can hold her and when she gets ready to talk she will. This is a hard time for her but you are doing the right thing being with her.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:49 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • she'll talk to you when she's ready...i lost my boyfriend in a car accident when i was 16 and didn't want to talk to anyone about it for a while. *hugs* just be there when she's ready mom there really isn't anything you can do but wait for her
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 10:50 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Mom, let her grieve in her own way, she is going through a rough patch and it is probably not ready to talk yet, just do what you are doing hold her and hug her to your heart's content.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:51 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • She will talk when she is ready. Just hold her tight!!
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 10:55 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I lost my best friend in high school, to falling asleep at the wheel. The night he died he came to see me at work. He brought his girl friend. Because she was with him, I didn't hug him goodbye like usual. When I found out he was dead, I was devastated. I had dreams that I couldn't go to him, I could physically feel chains holding me down from going to him. It hurts to lose someone you are close to, especially that young. I am crying writing this and that was back in 1998. It will take time for her to talk, just tell her you are there for her when she is ready.

    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 10:56 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I am so sorry. You are doing all you can do right now. Keep her close and be there for her. She will talk when she is ready. I'm sure you do things together but make sure you do over the next few months to keep connected and allow her to grieve. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:57 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I would take this as a huge wake-up call. Your child is 13, and earlier that night she "was in his car." So, I'm assuming he is at least 16. That's a huge age difference at her age and she is not ready to handle the pressure of such a relationship. The second thing is that to allow a 16-year old to drive when icy conditions exist is very irresponsible. A more skillful and experienced driver might not have ended up in the river. Two boys lost their lives, and that is so very tragic. But the lessons to be learned from this event I hope will not be wasted. When these kinds of tragedies happen, it is always best to study them and look for valuable lessons to be learned. These are the two that come quickly to my mind, and perhaps at some point, you can discuss those with your daughter. In the meantime, prayers should be offered on behalf of the families of these two boys as well as your daughter. For now, just hold her!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:57 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • There's nothing you can do except be there for her whenever she is ready to talk to you.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 10:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

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