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Do you think if I am not longer "friends" with a guy our kids should continue to play?

I said No . here is my reasons. and ended it with him for the following.

*one I realized we have very different parenting styles he lets his daughter do what ever she wants. no rules or guidelines.

*his kid is one of the major reason I ended it. she was not a nice kid and I am not the only person who saw this.

* I felt taken advantage of. example they he and his two kids would come over at noon and be at my house at my home until midnight. I would have to feed them all he never offered to buy food. and he would take a nap and I would have to take care of the kids. (sick and all)

* we had only been part of each others lives for less then 4 months.

He asked me when we ended our "friendship" if the girls could still pay (they are the same age)?

* told him no then.

* told him it takes to much out of me to have a play date(being sick)

*told him we just ended it I do  not think it would be a good idea

He called yesterday to ask me did you think about what I asked about the girls?

I told him no.. again . he asked me like he did not know why.. He seemed to not understand a word I said. As we hung up I heard him tell his kid sorry she can't play she is sick. (what my kid is not sick!!!, try being honest with your kid buddy )

We had another conversation on instant messenger.

" you are mad.thats why you dont want them to play..

ahhhh you know i was not mad until he keep asking the same thing...

he said" I can drop off and pick up his kid or mine if I don't want to hang out with him" (WTH).

I had to be really firm with him in the instant message. somehow I have a feeling he will call again and ask again. Last time I checked no is not. not really sure how to handle this one.

the girls are 6 and 7 and I did ask my dd and she said NO I don't want to play with her anymore. I told him this and he asumes I am saying no not her.

I counted how many times the kids would play.. it was about 5 times total.. he brought them over really soon after meeting me.

his kid is the kind who gets mad if she does not get way. will cry and hit if necessary. my dd told her friends dont hit friends! 

The kids did not play well together or even together. just in the same house

 

frustrated

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Is your DD asking to play with his DD?

    His DD is probably asking him about yours, and he calls you to ask, because he doesn't want to be the bad guy and say no ti his DD.

    About him lying to his DD about yours, that's his problem. It's probably easier for him to say that your DD is sick rather than try to explain a grown up problem like that one y our guys have. If he calls again, don't answer the phone. If you do answer the phone, try being honest with him and saying that you don't want the girls to be friends. Don't sugar coat it or try to be nice. If you want him to stop calling, tell him the plain truth.
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 10:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • well how old are the girls? and do they want to play together? I'm usually able to remain pretty good friends with the guys I've dated, so if my daughter wanted to play with his I would let her...
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 10:59 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • If it causes turmoil in my own home -- and I always feel taken advantage of, then I probably would not encourage the children being friends. However -- If the kids enjoy playing together -- and your (ex) friend will respect timeframes and guidelines that you lay out (like what time to pick-up) then I would certainly let them be friends. Perhaps you can encourage the other child to mind a little better? And if the children have become friends, how fair is it that their friendship must end because the adults can't "play-nice"? :-)
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 11:02 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • *sorry just read the last sentence lol, well if your dd doesn't want to play anymore, just tell him that and stop answering his calls and texts
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 11:04 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • It would depend on how his daughter was not nice and if your daughter still wanted to play with his daughter. If she doesn't, then you obviously can't make her, but if she does, then maybe you could find a way to let them still be friends. Without a mom as an influence in his daughter's life, perhaps she just needs some guidance on how to behave and play with others. Make it clear that if they can't play nice, then no more play dates. ?? Good luck... :-)
    AFairyTaleGirl

    Answer by AFairyTaleGirl at 11:12 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Oops! Well, if your daughter doesn't want to play with her, it would be wrong to encourage a friendship. Sometimes you just have to cut off all communication with him. Take him off your IM, Facebook, etc., and move on with your life.
    AFairyTaleGirl

    Answer by AFairyTaleGirl at 11:16 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Under the circumstances you describe, no the kids should not play together. Your daughter has made clear she doesn't want to play with the other girl, the other girl is not nice, and frankly, your ex seems to be verging on harassment with this.

    In general, I think if a relationship ends, you should try to let the kids stay in touch, at least for a while. I know if my SO and I broke up (he's not my kids dad), I'd let him continue to see my boys, kind of a visitation thing, because they have all bonded and love each other. It would be the same if he had kids.

    If he calls you again, I'd just be blunt and tell him that your daughter does not want to play with his kid(s) and that you don't want to hear from him anymore. Then if he keeps up, I'd talk to the police about this being harassment.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:27 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Be honest with him, down and dirty honest. Tell him your daughter doesn't want to play with his. Tell him he doesn't discipline his DD as you do with yours, and that causes too much of a conflict. Tell him that you feel taken advantage of, and you have had enough. Tell him to leave you alone, you will not change your mind. He really doesn't sound very smart, so you will have to talk to him like he's a child, really. Whatever lie he tells his DD is his problem, not yours. What kind of father he chooses to be is his problem, not yours.
    If he asks, which he might, how he took advantage of you, tell him. Cause he just won't understand otherwise. As for the discipline styles, for the most part, even with women, if 2 women have drastically different styles, it really makes things hard. So, for there to be a romantic relationship with this situation, it's not gonna happen, chances. Just be brutally honest.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:00 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • It's not fair to the kids to tear them apart when they have done nothing wrong. You're just gonna have to grin and bare it but when it comes to play dates he needs to chip in. lay down the law on times that you want the kids out of the house and that he needs to pick them up a pizza or something. Now that it's over between you two it should be easier to say exactly what you think about the situation.
    lashes325

    Answer by lashes325 at 1:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • wow thats a tough decision..
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 3:37 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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