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He will not put forth effort in any area...

So my son is almost 3-1/2. He has always had this "king quality" where he LETs us do things for him and never wants to do things for himself without a fight or battle.. its like Most kids say "No- I do it" he never did that once.. lol.. He's very active and was verbal very early so communication is not an issue at all.. I just get frustrated that everything seems to be an issue ... still after a full year of him being able to do things for himself like putting on his shoes or taking off his clothes for bed or bath he will fight me on doing it himself.. every time.. trying to teach him to ride a bike this weekend, which he knows how to do on a tricycle or big wheel, this is just the real 16" bike, he refused to give even one ounce of effort.. my husband and I are or try to be patient as maybe he's just not as coordinated as other kids his age or something but it seems like every step of the way is a battle..with any and everything.. we are very consistent in making him do things on his own that we know he can do but why won't he TRY anything on his own - he's been potty trained for 6 months and still needs us to go with him to go pee or poop or he gets upset.. I don't understand ... he can't do anything by himself or try anything.. WHY?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My 3.8 year-old DD just started riding her bike a couple of weeks ago -- she only started trying after we invited a friend over the SAME AGE that was already riding hers -- Just watching the other little girl inspired my DD to actually try. She still wants me to "giver her a little push to get started," but atleast she is doing it! As for the potty -- My DD ALWAYS wants me to wipe her after going to the potty -- When I asked her "Who wipes your bo-bo at school?" She stated indignantly, "WEll I DO -- of course"! In other words -- she just doesn't want to!!
    G'luck mom!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 11:23 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Just stop. When he throws a fit and you give in you are teaching him that you will always give in. Do 123 magic. If you say take off your clothes and get in the tub, he should do it. If he says anything except OK then 1. If he cries and says you do it then 2. If he says anything but OK then 3 and he is punished. This goes for every situation. This teaches him that you are boss and what you say goes. You are letting a child run the show. Arguing with a toddler is like arguing with a monkey.


    Answer by dancinintherain at 11:17 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I agree with dancin, just stop giving in.

    Answer by khedy at 11:20 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Well, thank you - I do let him/make him do things himself, it still after a full year is a fit EVERY time.. I will admit in some areas that I do probably still baby him being as he will be my only.. I am recently aware of this and working on it lol!! I guess it just doesn't help that any new trials of like wiping his butt which I haven't even begun to let him do, I just know its going to be another battle.. he plugs his nose while he poops because he doesnt like the smell so I can imagine this will be fun haha.. thanks.. I figured it was probably mostly the fact I do more things for him that I should, Its just that when I completely stop, even after a full year, he STILL battles me daily on those things...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:27 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • If you stop and stay consistent, he will eventually get used to the fact that he has to do some things for himself. The tantrums are to get you to give in, so I'd walk away when he starts those. You have to tell him that if he has to throw a tantrum, he is only allowed to do it in his room(or whatever room that is out of the way and no one can watch him throwing a fit). That way it takes away his audience so he has no reason to throw a fit anymore. Hope this helps!

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 11:36 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • One more thing. If being consistent doesn't work... see the ped for an evaluation. It can be a sign of something else going on.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • He actually has been evaluated through ECI. He was diagnosed with severe anxiety ( which he got from both sides of our family) and has transition issues but nothing "serious" enough for any type of therapy.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:42 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Transition issues... not to scare you, but that's a marker for high-functioning autism. So is the rest of the behavior.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:53 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Sounds a bit like he feels entitled and is used to having people do things for him. Since you did have an eval, that's good but he could possibly have some sensory issues that would benefit by some therapy. Even though the doctor doesn't see that it's any serious enough for therapy, a lot of kids really benefit emotionally and socially if some sensory issues are conquered. In my practice I have found that it's more than positive for the child. (I'm a behavioral specialist for children). Then there is some behavior that just sounds like the entitlement and "king quality" that you mentioned. For things like putting on his shoes, pj's, etc (things that you KNOW he's capable of), just hold something back first. For example, tell him that he can watch the show he wants to see after his pj's are on! He's throw a fit at first but hold your ground! He just expects you to do it! Best of luck to you!

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 7:04 PM on Mar. 21, 2011