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2 Bumps

Does your husband say things to you in a fight and then later tells you i didn't mean it?

mine does and it really hurts me.

 
jenn4443

Asked by jenn4443 at 11:54 AM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 23 (18,409 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • When we are angry, most of us say things that we really don't mean. We do have the choice in whether we say them or whether we keep them to ourselves. My guess is that at the time he says them to you, he wants to hurt you, probably in the same way you are hurting him, although it may not be with words. Sometime, when all is calm, why don't you try asking him if he can tell you the things that you do that make him feel inferior or worthless or hurt? Be prepared to listen closely to what he says, because with my husband, I often have to listen "between the lines." Men also get hurt, but they very often won't say a word about their pain, but they will lash out in anger at you. So it might also be helpful for you to think carefully about the hurtful things he says in anger and later says he didn't mean. It may just be that he means them more than he thinks, and you can learn some things from what he has said.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:01 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Mine did. My answer was "You meant it or you wouldn't have said it. There has to be some truth to it or you're just a lying, hurtful person. Which is it?"
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:57 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I don't think there's a human being on this earth, male or female, who doesn't say things they don't mean in the heat of a moment. I decided a long time ago that "actions speak louder than words" is more than just an old saying.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Nope but my XH used too. It's what finally broke us up.

    I am a firm believer that what a person says and how they act during a fight is their true character. If they hadn't thought of all the mean things already, they wouldn't be so quick to use them in the heat of an arguement.

    If they cannot treat you with respect during an arguement, then what respect they show you any other time is false.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • that was one of the things my ex done all the time.. but u know what no matter what it still remained in the back of my head an after a while it started getting to where i contiuiously would think bout what was said.. then after a few yrs I grew wise an began to stand up for myself an stood my ground..
    heiditr

    Answer by heiditr at 11:58 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Sometimes. I do the same although I really try not to. It's easy in a fight to throw something in the other's face because you know it will make them feel bad. Most of the time it really isn't the way I truly feel, it's just a below the belt move. I always feel guilty afterwards and apologize.
    Nicoles2LilRams

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 11:59 AM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Yes. Or that I took it the wrong way. Ha! Or, for years he's told me that I need to buy myself more things, like clothes. Just at Christmas he told his mom and SIL that he likes that I buy lots of makeup and stuff. Now, all of a sudden, it's that I spend too much. Which, I haven't. We do have quite a bit of money still from tax refund. He's always said if we have money, I need to spend it before he does. I have been buying some things, that I need, and on sale. Things that will last a long time, like good bras. What's wrong with that? So, he makes this snarky comment yesterday. And, adds that I got glasses. WTF??? Really? After years of telling me to spend on myself, NOW he's bitching? He spends on himself, we don't need to worry there. A shit ton on a truck that ain't finished. Excuses for that one. K. Sure, I got the 'I'm sorry. I was an asshole.' Sure, makes me feel better about buying glasses and bras. :(
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:05 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I agree with gdiamante- I know that in the heat of the moment, more than once, I have said something that wasn't really the truth. It's just human nature- you're hurting and you want the other person to hurt as much or more than you do.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:21 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • yes
    notjstasocermom

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 12:54 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • My SO used to, when he would get really heated (which didnt happen often). And i could tell when he was starting to get there. So when he wpuld start going down that path, i would just say "you are starting ti get really upset, and you are going to start saying things you dont mean. So i am not listening to whT ysay frothis point on, until you can calm yourself down". It seems childish, but it worked. When he realized that i truly was not going to listen to him until he calmed down, he started taking walks around the block to cool off. Then he comes back, apologizes and asks to talk about it.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 1:12 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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