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4 Bumps

How do i get over hurt words?

I have had alot of things happen in the last year, and things that have cause alot of insecurities, then when my husband says things to me then i feel like i have a reason for feeling this way because he just said so and then i can't seem to get past it.
When i do try to talk to him about it it seems it causes another fight. UGH!!!!!!
I know people are probally right when they say he says it to hurt me but it really, really, hurts.


Asked by jenn4443 at 12:31 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 23 (18,409 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • It sounds like emotional abuse. I had a guy who would call me fat and that I was a controlling bitch. Which I was neither! So I left him. It is not healthy being with someone who is abusing you in anyway. Easier said than done, I know.

    Answer by Hatsumomo at 12:39 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • You can't know if he meant it unless you are in his head.

    If it bothers you that much, then you need to lay down the law. He knocks it off, or you're DONE. And counseling will be in order to get him to knock it off and to help you grow the thicker skin you need to not be upset when he acts like an ass.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • there is usually as reason if my dh ever says something hurtful to underlying problem that he cant just come out and say. Try to find out why he said it, deal with THAT issue and then out the band aid there :-)

    Answer by bbygourl27 at 1:31 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I am sorry that you are going thru this. No one should have to go thru emotional abuse, especially by the one who loves you. I am the type of woman that would be SHOOTING the hurtful words right back. Good luck, stay strong and know that you are a strong woman... even if you don't think you are.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 12:35 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • i try not to get into it, but when DH says hurtful things, i wait a little while..then text him when he is not here & say something like "what you said earlier really crushed me, i don't want to fight about it but just know you broke my heart"

    He's a pretty sensitive guy & when he thinks about that all day, he usually apologizes & kisses my ass later. But, my DH is sensitive to me. he feels like an ass later when he hurts me.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Is he abusive in other areas? Is he controlling? That's how my ex started out. You're not worth it, you're not smart enough, you can't do this, you can't do that, you can't do anything right, you would never make it on your own. When I finally started believing him, the physical abuse started. By then I was too scared to leave. He would find me, he would kill me, etc. When I realized that one of us was going to die, I finally left, but I had to hide out with my 2 girls. Not easy when one is in school.

    Answer by Kimimale at 12:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • he feels like an ass too afterwards but i guess the words are hard to forget, i think maybe when the thnigs you feel the worst about and then when you fight and then brings that stuff up, then he is nice to me for days and i want to just punch him, i am a fighter too and i will not just sit there and take it. how do i know if he meant it or not?

    Comment by jenn4443 (original poster) at 12:41 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • it's called emotional abuse and it can hurt just as much as physical abuse. I wouldn't stand for it. In the past when I was younger and had a boyfriend do this to me - I felt physical pain, like someone turning a knife in my stomach. Don't put up with that.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 12:43 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I cannot imagine calling my SO a name or EVER saying an unkind thing to him - I love him so much, I would never purposely say something just to be mean, to me that is not healthy love. We may disagree over topics but we discuss them - never in a disrespectful way.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 12:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Henot abusive in any way, is not controlling, we have been together for 10 yrs, it just seems that here lately he will know what hurts me and when we fight he will say things.

    Comment by jenn4443 (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Mar. 21, 2011