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Do you wait for that big argument and then let 'em have it?

Do you "save stamps"? That's what my bf calls it. My bf and I were talking about how some women will wait until they get so mad that all those little things come out. I think I'm that type. I try to let those little things go and not sweat the small stuff, but darn it! One day, he really got on my nerves and when he asked me if I was mad, everything he did wrong just came out. Why doesn't he offer to help with the dishes after I cook? Why doesn't he take the trash down when he leaves? Why not help me out and show me what a great husband he would be? Once it all came out, I realized I had been holding all this in. It's not that I was purposely waiting for the right moment, I really thought I could get over it, but I guess not.


Asked by AFairyTaleGirl at 2:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • No, I speak my mind when things happen.

    Answer by meooma at 2:19 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I tend to not say anything about the little things that annoy me, but I also don't tend to throw them at him in an argument about something else. I try not to, anyway. It really kind of depends on what the argument is about. If it's about the 10th time he's ignored me today, and I didn't say anything about the first 9 times, yeah I might bring it up. But it would be more of a "Look, you've ignored me 9 other times today. I let it go, but this time is really important and I need you to listen." kind of thing.

    I do know that it's not healthy, for the individuals or the relationship to hold onto things and then throw them all out there in an argument like that.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:59 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I did that in my first marriage and it was very detrimental. Now I have a "speak now or forever hold your peace" policy on the little stuff and if we are arguing, keep to the subject at hand not every thing he's ever done over the last however long that pissed me off.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • We're just getting to know eachother. I don't want to bring up every little thing that makes me mad. We aren't married, so I don't want him to think I'm going to nag all the time. In my marriage, I always spoke up, it's just difficult when you're getting to know someone.

    Comment by AFairyTaleGirl (original poster) at 3:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I tend to verbalize things a lot more frequently. I do hold some things back, but those are things that I usually have to repeat 56475 times anyway. However, when that big fight does come it all comes out either way. So he gets it when it happens and in that big fight. BUT .. it wouldn't need to come out if he'd just change to benefit himself and our family.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • While you're getting to know him is the best time to bring up those little things, though. His response will tell you a lot. If he's willing to try to change those little things, that shows he's willing and able to compromise. If he gets bent out of shape and overly upset, that tells you he has a temper. And if you don't say anything, he doesn't know it's bothering you until you're married 70 years and telling him on his deathbed that picking his teeth at the table has driven you nuts for the last 70 years and you're glad he won't be doing that anymore. lol Seriously, I let go of little things that are truly little - a one time deal that I am kind of sure he won't do again. But little or not, if there's a habit, an activity, a phrase, a whatever that he does that really bugs me, I'll tell him so that we can see what we can do with it. (I know, kinda contradicts my previous answer, but it makes sense in my world. lol)

    Answer by wendythewriter at 4:01 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I guess I was letting those little things go, cuz they were little--at the time. Okay, he could've taken the trash down when he left, he didn't. Maybe he was tired, or just didn't think. Okay, he could've helped with the dishes, hmm...okay, he helped a little to cook. I'm bathing the dogs, a monumental task. He's sitting on the couch watching t.v. WTH!? Is this guy lazy? Does he really not see that I need help? So then it comes out. So he thinks, if it bothers me, "Why didn't you tell me?" Well, because they were little things...and now they look huge.

    I really appreciate everyone's comments. Thanks so much! :)

    Comment by AFairyTaleGirl (original poster) at 4:19 PM on Mar. 21, 2011