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Help! Aggressive 12 Month Old!

I am a proud SAHM with my 11 month old daughter. I also watch my best friend's 12 month old daughter 3 days per week. I love her daughter and think the world of her but I have noticed a problem developing between the two girls. Her daughter has showed increasing signs of aggression towards my daughter and I'm not sure how to discipline this behavior because they are so young. She does everything from hit, push, pinch, and steal toys from my daughter. Anything my daughter is playing with is suddenly the toy she wants and any time she is upset, tired, or for no reason at all my daughter becomes a target.

My daughter was in daycare with about 10 other babies for approximately 3 months & did wonderfully! She will also stand up for herself to some degree by walking away from her or "slapping" her hand away when she is about to be hit. My friend's baby has not been in daycare but has always been in an in-home sitter with one other baby around her age and I am unaware if there were any previous problems. All I know is she was dropped suddenly from her last provider (who was also a friend of hers) with only 2 weeks notice & no real answer. I am beginning to wonder if this is why among other small issues.

I am of course always present in the room with them and move her away from my daughter immediately & tell her sternly "no" and set her away from my daughter but I'm not sure if this is getting through because no progress has been made even though I have done this consistently. I wasn't as concerned before today but earlier this afternoon she pinched my daughter on the arm so hard it left a mark & nearly broke the skin (she's even pinched & hit me before so I know from experience that this little girl has amazingly strong hands!). I did the same stern "no" and this time I placed her in the pack 'n play (as a safe time-out area). But as soon as I took her out the minute later (its a minute for each year, correct?) She went walking back over & I was watching her as she went to do it again.

My daughter does nothing to antagonize her or even draw attention to herself and I am unsure what to do at this point. My daughter is usually playing by herself when these things happen. This is nothing I want to come between my friend and I but I want my daughter to feel happy & safe in her own home. I'm really not sure what to do. ANY suggestions at this point would be very helpful! Thank you!!!

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Asked by debuysere07 at 4:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • It sounds like the child has not been shown consistant discipline.

    1st, have you brought it up with her parents? What do they do when the child is agressive? If they don't do anything, then you are going to fight an uphill battle as you are disciplining her and when she goes home, she gets away with whatever. Bring up to the parents the actions of their child...propose and action plan for dealing with the problem. Get their agreement that this is ok and that they will assist at home with the action plan.

    2nd, remain consistant. It can take months to undo a learned action especially for a baby and tot. And if my assumption is correct, while she is being told no at daycare, her parents do not do this at home so she is conflicted.

    3rd, if mom and dad cannot agree to assist with this, ask that they find another sitter and give them an adequate time frame to find one...a month is plenty of time.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:10 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Babies this age don't get it yet. They will keep doing the same thing over and over. Distraction is the best remedy. Maybe this little girl needs some extra attention. Since your DD can play contentedly by herself, have some one on one time with the other little girl for apart of each day. And keep being consistent.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 4:15 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Thank you for your response! Because we're friends she has been present when some of these things transpire & to save this response from being lengthy she does not discipline effectively. Does not STERNLY tell her no. Almost tells her no in a laughing- I'm embarrassed my child is acting this way so I'm going to laugh it off- sort of way. Of course the child goes right back to doing or attempting to do what she was told no to doing. So I completely agree with you in the fact that she is getting consistent discipline here but I can tell she is rarely- if at all- disciplined at home. I have yet to have a sit down talk with her about this problem which I will do tonight since she is starting to leave marks & my daughter is growing more fearful & I can tell she becomes stressed when this little girl is dropped off in the morning.

    Comment by debuysere07 (original poster) at 4:18 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Jademom07- Ironically I quit my job to stay at home with my daughter so that she would get more attention and you're exactly right. I thought this little girl just needed more one-on-one time and she DOES! The problem is I already do give her a majority of my attention through the day. I mean this in the nicest way but this is one high maintenance child! I used to work at a daycare/preschool & worked with all age groups including babies/toddlers and she is by far the most high maintenance baby I've had! Having said that that isn't what bothers me, it is of course the well being of my own daughter.

    Comment by debuysere07 (original poster) at 4:21 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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