Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

BFF has become a bad influence! What would you do?

My 4-year-old daughter's best friend is going through a lot at home -- her parent's are going through a divorce and she lives with her dad. Our girls go to pre-school together and are involved in outside activities as well (gym and soccer). Recently, the other little girl has become "mean" and says rude and hurtful things to my LO -- not to mention she has begun having tantrums at school, gym and on the soccer field. What would you do? I don't want to cut-off the friendship, but I also don't want my LO being negatively influenced (and it IS starting to). Thanks:-)


Asked by BaileysMom476 at 4:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (9,613 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • This little girl is obviously in need of some counseling to help her deal w/ her parents' divorce. If you are around to witness her mean behavior, maybe you could say, "If you keep saying such mean things to your friends, they may not want to play w/ you any more, & I know you wouldn't want that to happen- would you?" Tell your dau to walk away or refuse to play w/ her when she acts that way. I know you dont want to hurt her feelings, but she is starting to hurt your dau's feelings. So your dau comes 1st. I hope she has other good friends to turn to when her bff is acting like this. GL :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:43 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Talk to her mom. There could be more going on and that anger is obviously part of the divorce and adjustment. She may need counseling and maybe mom or dad are not even fully aware of everything going on.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:38 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • If she lives with her Dad then you need to set up some time to speak with him. Let him know what is going on and how it is affecting your DD. Maybe he isn't being as attentive as he needs to be with his daughter and it may bring him back to the reality that his DD needs attention even though he is dealing with stuff too.

    Answer by coala at 4:45 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • You're daughter is old enough to see that her friend is changing her behavior. She probably knows that her parents don't live together too. You could talk with your daughter and tell her that her friend must be feeling sad or mad right now and help your daughter think of ways that she can help her. There are many valuable things happening in our world that we don't always think to take advantage of. This little girls pain could become a teachable moment for your daughter. It will teach her more empathy and understanding toward others too. Maybe you could have this child over to your house so that they could play together. This little girl is sounding so unhappy. If it were your daughter, I know you's want someone to reach out to her! Your daughter will be influenced by a lot of things in her lifetime. Just help her make the best choices and correct problem behavior. Good luck to you!

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 6:21 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I was also going to suggest that you reach out to the girl directly. Have her over to your house more often and actively participate in their play time. Correct her if she gets mean just like a mother or a good aunt. Just being around a "normal' not stressed out adult would be good for her.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 10:00 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I'd speak to her dad.
    I'd find out how he wants it handled when she does things like that. Couldn't you just speak to her when she acts that way when she's at your house? how would you handle it if a sibling was acting that way?
    I don't see just shutting the little girl out, doubt if you would want someone to do that to your daughter if she was going through the same thing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • AlisonAstair -- I think that is a wonderful idea! Thanks for your suggestions!

    Comment by BaileysMom476 (original poster) at 6:33 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Your right -- LoveMyDog -- thats a great idea:-)

    Comment by BaileysMom476 (original poster) at 10:19 AM on Mar. 22, 2011