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4 Bumps

How do I explain to my mother .... kinda long sorry

How do I explain to my mother that I love her and want her in mine and my childrens and df's lives but not every week, Id like it if she was able to spend time with us say every 3 weeks at the least.

I dont want to hurt her by saying I dont want her over as much as she has been (every 2-3 days and takes my dd over night once a week which is nice but just over whelming because we (my df and I) want to do stuff with our kids and raise our kids the way we have been, but every time she has our dd our dd doesnt sleep when she is at her house (gets to bed at 12am wakes up at 6 or 7am, she doesnt eat anything but junk food and snacks then wont eat dinners over my mothers house) then when we get our dd home she wont sleep well for us she acts out and wont barely eat.

Also my mother, my dd's grandma tryes to act like she is my dd's mom, she tryes to control how we raise our dd and what we buy her and do with her. She pretty much steps over our boundaries and I just dont really know if this is normal stuff for a grandparent or not but me and my df dont like it.

So how do I talk to her about this without making her upset or sad I just dont know how to make her understand. (My df, dd and I are moving soon and my mother thinks were leaving because of her and thinks I hate her and dont care about her beause were moving, which the reason were moving is because df has 3 jobs lined up and it will be easier living there than where we are). Any ideas about this ???

ps she is now planning on possibly moving to where we are so no idea what to do if she does end up moving ( we are moving 1500 miles away from where we are now )

Answer Question
 
mommyof0210

Asked by mommyof0210 at 6:12 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 8 (245 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Since you are moving, it may be best just to not say anything, as circumstances will surely change once you move. In the meantime, just saying, "We are trying to set a consistent bedtime ritual" should be enough excuse to keep your daughter from sleeping at grandmas so often.

    If you were not moving, I would have some suggestions for you, but it is probably just going to create stress for a problem that will be ending soon, anyway.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 6:20 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Just tell her exactly what you said here. Just be honest and straightforward with her. It may hurt her feelings, ,but she is overstepping BIG TIME and it is causing you and your family problems..
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 6:23 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • You need to very clear aobut what her role is and what your expectations are when the childen are with her. The longer you let this go the more difficult it will become. Good Luck
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 6:45 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I agree that you should be honest and up front with her. tell her you want a bedtime honored, no junk food, etc. And if she does move you need to have a talk beforehand and tell her how you would like it to be. Be calm and caring and even if it is upsetting to her she will get over it. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • set your boundaries and stick to them!!
    ElenaC419

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 9:08 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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