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How can I help my mom deal with my dad's death?

He died January 7, 2011 of a heart attack after long, recurring, simultaneous illnesses. He was 62. They had been together 41 years, with a 10 -year divorce in the middle. She's so angry and I don't know how to help her. She seems continually furious at everyone around her: me, my kids, and her mother.

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DrJChappell

Asked by DrJChappell at 7:53 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (270 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Just do your best to be there for her.Everyone grieves differently and for her it is coming out as anger. The first year is the hardest. My Dad passed October 3rd 2009. He took his own life and that first year was very hard for us especially my Mom. He was 69 years and they had just celebrated 45 years together 2 months Prior to his death. My mom still has moments where she breaks down.   You might encourage your mom to go talk to someone.

    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 8:01 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • That is a normal part of grieving. You can look at the stages of grieving online (Google it). I don't know if she would be open to a grief group. She can find one through a church, the local hospital, a doctor, etc. Be there for her if she wants to talk. I hope her good friends are there for her too. I am so sorry for your loss.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:02 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • anger is normal. it's all part of the healing process
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:04 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Just be patience w her hang in there...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 8:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • it's not you she's angry at! she' s angry because she didn't get to go with him. she's angry because he left her behind. you need to keep a very close eye on her because she is sinking into a very bad case of depression. she will need you the most so be strong and she will through some very hurtful things your way but you have to remember that this is her way of dealing with the loss. good luck with your mom and sorry for your lose!!
    dansmom87

    Answer by dansmom87 at 8:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I agree with Kyliesmom. My dad passed Sept.9,2004, a week short of their 44th wedding anniversary. My mother still has her moments where she breaks down, seems angry at the world, etc. There is no timetable for grieving. Talking to someone may be very helpful for your mom. In the meantime, just love her and let her know that you're there for her. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Its probably hard fo rher to deal with it. Giver her time and let her know that you are tehre for her, if she want to talk or just need someone.
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 8:11 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Just be there for her. My uncle died of cancer last year, he was with my aunt for over 50 years. It was horrible and she is having a hard time also. She has her family to help her. She is going to counsiling, some areas have Grief Groups. Anger is a phase of loosing someone. She may need some anti depressants. Go to a Dr appt with her and tell the Dr in from of her how she has been acting, and maybe he can give her something to help.
    Ambear72

    Answer by Ambear72 at 8:34 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I think that it is a lot to go through. She lost her partner of practically her entire life, and I can only imagine what it is like to wake up alone after 41 years, eat breakfast alone, etc. It is awful to even think about. I don't know if there is anything that can really stop her from feeling this way, or even ease it right now, but it is still fairly recent. I would try to give her time and love even through the hurtful things she does and try to remember what kind of hurt it must be coming from. Anger is a normal phase of the grieving process...not that I think people follow the steps in the nice outline that psychologists have come up with.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:39 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Anger and lashing out are normal and everyone does go through the stages of grief differently. That being said, I can understand you not liking it very much. I'm sure you have some hurt going on too. If you think your mom needs help how about suggesting you want to talk to someone to deal with everything and you need her support and for her to go with you. I mean if she's resistant to go to therapy you could try this approach. This way both of you could get help dealing with your loss.
    michelle121003

    Answer by michelle121003 at 9:19 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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