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3 Bumps

Would you ever give your children up if they were a danger to you?

My friend is going through a difficult situation. Her 13 year old daughter is violent, unruly and smashes everything she touches out of anger. Recently her two younger children have ended up with broken limbs due to this girl's behaviour. She's taken her to child psychiatrists, just to be told that she's overreacting and that the other children must have accidents and are lying, purely because this girl is so well mannered around other people. I've seen her at her house when she didn't know I was there at first and she was terrifying, she proceeded to smash up her room with a metal pole. When my friend tries to discipline her she gets beaten, literally. She's a danger to the two younger ones which is my friend's problem.

Her husband died when her eldest was 2 so she has no other help and she is just out of her mind with worry every day. Is there anything she can do? She's considering giving her up even though she doesn't want to but she fears she might seriously injure one of the younger two.

People are so quick to blame the parents but I'm not sure this situation is black and white. This girl is definitely doing these things maliciously.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • Honestly if it was my child, I'm a soon-to-be mother, I would not give up on my child until all other resorts have been followed and failed. I would try everything, I would put my child in a psychiatric evaluation ward and see how it went from there. That's a very sad situation.
    jessiskinner200

    Answer by jessiskinner200 at 8:08 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Wow.  Protecting one child from the other, how sad a situation.  I would do whatever I could to try and help but her hurting my other children would not in any way be tolerated.  Maybe something happened that no one knows about and this child is acting out because of it?

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 8:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Definitely need to protect the younger children, if that means removing the older child, it needs to be done ASAP. Grandparents? In-patient treatment?
    tortkey

    Answer by tortkey at 8:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Can she not send her to some kind of program where she goes to live somewhere else during the program? If there is something maybe your friend can get a grant or community help to pay for something of the sort or even insurance may cover something.

    Yes though I would remove the child that is hurting the other children from the household. After much trying there comes a point where its not healthy for all of the children to be living around with her. Can you imagine the stress the others are living with? The siblings to this abusive child shouldnt have to live like this. Your friend needs to take action & this 13yo clearly needs help but she needs something drastic.

    Cant she call the cops to have the child removed & brought to a psych ward?
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 8:09 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • If people who can help her don't believe the situation, why not invest in some survellience? Like a Teddy Bear Nanny Cam or something small that can be hidden where her child won't notice it....

    Perhaps with video documentation the child can get the help that she needs, and the mother and other kids can finally have the peace they deserve...
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 8:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Give her up completely... prob. not but get her help. Psych ward, school for troubled kids etc. perhapos. HOWEVER, and this is SUPER IMPORTANT... ALWAYS maintain CLOSE contact and FREQUENT, UNSCHEDULED visits.
    Is it possible for her to get a "nanny cam" so that there will be actual video of what dd is doing?
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • your friend needs to place a video camera somewhere that the daughter cannot see it and record these outbursts for the psychiatrists to see. And yes, sometimes I do think it is necessary for a parent to either commit their child to a facility for mentally disturbed children.
    She is a danger to her family and herself and she obviously need some king of intervention/treatment.
    LadySaphira

    Answer by LadySaphira at 8:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • The child is a danger to herself and others. She may want to consider calling CPS and asking for help. There may be more options out there that she does not know about.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 8:17 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • If a tough-love intervention and professional counseling didn't work, I'd enlist the help of the courts. I worked with delinquent teens and their families as a Behavior Specialist. Spending time one-on-one with the teen and with the teen and their family is a good way to assess the family dynamics and formulate a plan that is beneficial to all. I think a specialist of this kind could be benefical here.
    tiff4q

    Answer by tiff4q at 8:20 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • my 4 yr old son has taken to being so angery also. just 2 days ago he throw a toy straight at a pregnant women just because i told him no. he is hitting his little sister. i told him that if he continues to hit his sister and throw things at people im going to talk to the police officer who is our neighbor and have him tell him what happens to kids that hurt other people. i also told him that if he continues to be this way and act this way when he is older that he could hurt someone very bad that they will put him in jail and he wont ever ever see me again. i wont go visit him in jail. and before people bash me for telling this to my 4 yr old, my mom never did this to my brother and he was horrible and got away with everything. i dont want my son to behavie this way anymore. he was very good today
    knagsmom

    Answer by knagsmom at 8:20 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

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