Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

I'm trapped and already having an emotional affair... (long sorry)

I'm 23 and engaged to be married in 2 1/2 months. My fiance is also my 19 month old son's father and my boyfriend of 3 years. Before my son was born, everything was great between us...I didn't even want to be with anyone else. But after we had my son, things changed. I don't know if it was hormones or what but I just don't feel the same as I used to. I love him, but it almost feels like its not in a romantic way anymore. When I kiss him, I feel nothing. No sparks or anything. Sex is just sex. Nothing behind that either. Now you might be asking yourself why am I marrying him if I feel this way? Because I HAVE to.

His parents are insane and would try everything to make sure my fiance gets full custody of my son. They wouldn't be able to but they would definitely get him joint custody. Even in that circumstance, I would DIE if I was away from my son for 3 or 4 days at a time. Not to mention I'd be worried sick about him because my fiance would move make in with his parents, and they aren't the smartest people when it comes to raising kids, and he would be in an environment that is not suitable for children. It would be like I was living hell on earth.

I have recently run into an old flame from high school and we have been texting and seeing eachother when I go out some nights. We don't do anything but we talk about things we would like to do (sexual) and he gives me TONS of attention that I feel like I'm lacking in my relationship. I love getting this attention from him and him making me feel good about myself. I also like hearing that another guy wants me and all that. I KNOW this is wrong. I know that. But my problem is that I don't know what to do.

I'm unhappy if I marry my fiance because I'll spend the rest of my life with someone I don't love anymore, but I'll be even unhappier if I don't because I'll be worried sick about my son.

My fiance has no idea I feel this way. He thinks everything is fine between us...and so does everyone else.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I feel for you. My sister stayed in a relationship much longer than she should have because her now ex-husband was abusive and she knew that as long as she was in the house, she would know what was going on with her daughter. She did not want to trust him with her alone on a visitation that she was certain the courts would order. She didn't trust him to even do the basics like feed and bathe her. It was an awful situation, and I am not sure there is a good answer.

    What kind of environment do you think your son would be in? And even if the environment was fine, I cannot imagine my child being away from me for longer than an occasional DAY let alone every other week, so I can feel your pain.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:00 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • well the first step is to stop talking to 'other dude'. second step is to tell fiance how you feel. be truthful. go from there. you can't work on the relationship AND continue talking to 'other dude'. that is not an option.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:33 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I was involved in an emotional affair but I ended it last year. I understand what you are feeling. I wanted to be with the person I was involved with but I knew that I couldn't have what I wanted and it sucked. I still think about him on a daily basis and wish that I could erase him from my mind.

    Don't marry your fiance because you think you have to. It won't be fair to you, him or your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • What ever you do, do not tell your fiance you are leaving him for another man. Make sure you break up with HIM not for someone else. If you already have issue with each other, marriage will only amplify things. Get out before you really are trapped with more kids and a divorce to go through.

    His parents can't get custody of your kids unless you are unfit. Make sure you break up with him gentley and try to remain on good terms if possible. This will make any custody issues easier to handle. As mentioned before DO NOT tell him that you have found someone new, even after you break up for a while.

    Good luck


    Answer by vampporcupine at 10:37 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • First, don't get married and stall if possible. Second, stop talking to other guy because that is definitely clouding your feelings that you may still have for your fiance. If after awhile you still feel the same, you need to be honest with your fiance because it isn't healthy for your family, including your son to be in this situation. Just because two people separate doesn't mean they can't life in the same house which would mean that you could both still see your son every day.

    Answer by ChicaThis at 10:39 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Honey you are in a bad situation anyway you look at it. I've been there. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me. You can't base your decision on fear. You have to be strong. You have to be strong.

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 10:41 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • It sounds to me like you two could use some pre-marital counseling. You should cut off any "fling" u r having w another person and focus that time on rebuilding your relationship with your fiance. Good luck.

    Answer by Kword at 10:35 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • You can be someone who is integrious and honest. Start tonight. Ask the Lord to help you, choose what you want to do and stick to your guns. Nothing worthwhile is easy. It takes LABOR, but this is your life & your child's.

    Answer by txdaniella at 10:36 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • if u arent happy ur kid isnt going to be happy. If you want it to work between you and your df you have to cut off contact with ur friend but it will not work if you dont be honest about how you are feeling with ur df. You cant have things both ways though I know you are young and feel you can't live without your son on those days. Imagine your df if he finds out what is going on between you and ur friend he will be tore up and u may lose him forever. If you want to talk one on one NO JUDGEMENTS because I KNOW what u are go through you can add me as a friend and we can chat or whatever...sometimes that can help. There are too many people too quick to judge in this world...but until we walk in one anothers shoes we have no clue what that person needs.

    Answer by ky_phoenix at 10:44 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Bail now before it is too late. Relationships are not supposed to be forced.

    Answer by jonellg at 11:47 PM on Mar. 21, 2011