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2 Bumps

How does a parent set boundries on thier grown up kids

that have been married or out on thier own but they just keep coming back when things get togh or does not go thier way .they were raised in a christain home and rebelled and go in alot of troble from divorce,drugs,dishonesty,disrepect to us the parents and the goverment and thier elders

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I fully appreciate the situation you face. I have come to the place with my adult child that she has to be allowed to suffer the reprecussions of her actions. She has to get out on her own and feel the effects of adulthood. It is great to live with one foot in adulthood and one in childhood, I'd do it, if I could. But that cannot be an option. Unfortunately some chicks have to be pushed out of the nest in order to learn to fly. Remember, if they were raised in a christian home, they know the right way to live. When things get tough enough, they'll know who to turn to...
    motherflower

    Answer by motherflower at 1:49 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Set some clear expectations and stick with them. You can live here if__________. You can not live here if__________. Choose what's important to you and have them sign a contract. Let them know they are welcome to stay for _______, but once they move out they will not be coming back so make sure it's the right choice.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 11:13 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I can't say what I for sure would or wouldn't do in this situation because my son is no where near grown. But when it comes to my brother I tell my mom all the time eventually the cord has to be cut. No one wants to see their children fail and suffer, but you keep bailing them out they're going to keep coming home. If you don't mind, then go forth. But if you're tired of it then it's time to see walk on your own two feet, I'll be waiting at the end of the path with open arms. And then stay off the path.
    ba13ygrl1987

    Answer by ba13ygrl1987 at 10:57 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • I just love how people say that their home will always be open to their children. So if their child treated them like dirt, expected to be waited on hand and foot and supported financially, even if they could afford to pay their own way, that would be okay? Yeah, right. Anyway, if your grown child wants to move back home, then you definitely need to discuss the situation as adults and expect them to treat you as an adult and follow the rules YOU set for living in YOUR house.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:40 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Tell them they are NOT welcome to move back home. Sometimes you just HAVE to lay down the law. If they know they will always have a home to fall back on I feel it encourages bad behavior and irresponsibility. They are allot less likely to screw their life up if Mom & Dad's home IS NOT open to them moving back in. There comes a point where as a parent with bad acting adult kids you just have to let them live their own life and let the chips fall where they may for them. You DID your part, raised em as best you could. Just DONT help them any longer.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:45 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My home is always open to my son.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:00 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • Not all grown up do that. Me and my sister both moved out and got married, then we both got pg. My sis never grow up. kept moving back in and was really disrespectful tward my parent, I did none of that. I have never moved back in with my mom, and when it comes to disrespect, I would never curse in front of my mom. My mom always used tough love with my sister. When my sis was disrespectfu or even woud hit my mom she called the cop. My mom never put up with drug use in her house even when we were teens. We know the rules and my mom wouldn't hesitate to call the c ops if we brought drugs into her house(not me) or try and hit her. Now shes grown up alot but it wasn't easy for our mom and dad.
    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 11:07 PM on Mar. 21, 2011

  • clappingvbruno I could not possibly have sid it any better!!

    purplerobin

    Answer by purplerobin at 12:06 PM on Mar. 23, 2011