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My son was sent to the principles office! He's in kindergarten!

I think it has a lot to do with his father. We're divorced and he gets him 3 weekend every month and always comes home angry. He says his dad yells in his ears, wrestles him "too hard." Ignores him, and is only nice to him around his fiance.
I walk him to and from school, volunteer every Mon., go to meetings, help with his homework, read to him and play w/ him often.
He always comes home from his Dad's in a bad mood.
My mom raised 3 kids on her own and we never got in trouble at school! What am I doing WRONG? I can't sue his Dad for custody because I'm disabled with Lupus. He'd throw that in my face. What can I do? How can I help my small child be better at school? I'm at the end of my rope!

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Asked by belle_bottom at 11:54 PM on Mar. 21, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I don't have a good answer but I would sit my ex down and tell him your son is suffering and acting out. I don't know, maybe bring your son's complaints to your ex so he can work on his behavior towards your son....if he'd be willing. Also, is it possible to "pop" in and see how he's doing while he's with his Dad? Perhaps ask your son to talk to the school counselor. That is a person that can take notes and possibly help. Wish I knew what to do...good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I wonder why your ex treats your son different in front of his fiance, than with him by himself. How did he treat him before you divorced? That's not fair to your son. I wouldn't want my child treated like that either. It sounds like he is putting a show on for his fiance. I wonder what would happen if she saw him treat your son like this? Why don't you see if you can get visitation modified for less time with him. Your son will probably need counseling if he keeps it up. Also, why don't you sign him up for karate or something like that, it will definitely help his self esteem.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:32 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Can you talk to his teacher and the principal about how your son is when he comes home from Dad's? Let them know he's 'off' after a weekend there and let them know when he's been there so they are prepared for any behaviour issues from that. Maybe if you are all aware he acts out after a weekend at dad's there can be a plan in place to hopefully prevent it by coming up with stratagies to destress him, to help him de-escalate, before it leads to being sent to the principals office. Plus if they can document his behaviours and it can be linked to his weekends at dad's you can use it if you do decide to go for full custody. I do like the suggestion of getting him involved with an activity like karate or something, and maybe finding him a postive male role model that treats him properly - I don't know if he'd be eligible for Big Brothers, but even a coach or uncle, grandpa - just some 'guy' time with someone who is good to him

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:07 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I think you should talk to the school. Maybe he can talk to someone. Sorry your going through this =\

    Answer by chiquis at 2:30 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I am about sorry your situation. :(

    Best wishes!

    Answer by Hatsumomo at 3:13 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • He is just in kindergarden. These things will happen. The school will often co-parent. Have him be accountable and make him understand he must obey at school or risk being sent to principal. He may have just needed to learn from experience. Relax and watch.

    Answer by rosetoes at 3:22 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • A lot of schools have a group therapy session daily for kids going through divorce or other things in their life.  My son went through it because my brother we murdered when he was in school and he had a hard time with his death.  It helped him out a lot.  A friend of mine has her children attending one at their school right now too.  It might help him talk about what is going on and might help some of things he is going through come out and maybe they will talk with you about this and give you some suggestions on what you can do. 


    Answer by Peajewel at 6:19 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • He's abusing the boy - mental or emotional, if not slighly physical. Get counseling, talk to a CPS worker if you feel okay doing so, or even just ask the school counselor to talk with him - but you need help getting him help - what he's going through is not okay.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:01 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I agree, talk to the school, there should be some type of counseling available. If I'm not mistaken, teachers are required to report any suspected abuse of any kind. (I may be wrong about that, but I know nurses are). Good luck.

    Answer by elasmimi at 10:09 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I just have to say....major typo on my part. My brother WAS murdered that should have said. I cannot believe that I typed WE murdered. How awful. Sorry, maybe I should not type early in the morning.

    Answer by Peajewel at 6:00 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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