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3 Bumps

How should I tell my hubby? *no bashing please* adult content

How should I tell him I found a site for swingers and became a member? I love him, but the spark has left the bedroom. I am just exploring ways to bring the spark back. After many failed attempts, this has become another option. I joined the site as a "couple", and would not have sex with anyone without him knowing about it. I just don't know how to tell him without him getting upset or feeling hurt.
Please, I need advice, not bashing, if anyone can help.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Swinging is NOT going to put the spark back in your marriage. In fact it will almost always ruin the marriage if you had bedroom problems to begin with. You both have to be VERY secure in your relationship or one or both of you will always be looking at who your partner gets with and question your own relationship. One or both of the partners always gets jealous over it, it seems.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:52 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Why not just have your boyfriends over and in bed, when he's due to come home?
    Then you won't have to say a word.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 8:53 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • you have HUGE ISSUES in your marriage and you should deal with those and not be so hung up on your sex life. If this is something he isnt into then It was horribly selfish and there is no way to tell him with out ruining your marriage further. You should quit the club before he finds out and deal with the REAL problems in your marriage.

    A marriage is SOOOOO much more than just sex.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Huge jump to make without talking to him first! You guys need to sit down and talk with him. Tell him what you are saying here. Swinging is not the answer. It will cause bigger issues. Talk to dh.

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 8:54 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I don't know if that's the answer? I guess it depends on both of your personalities, You made mention that many attempts went failed, maybe they weren't the right attempts. You could try other things, and explain to him the spark is gone, try to regain the passion that is lost, or you can throw the idea out to him in a joke, say hey babe let's become swingers and live the "dangerous" life... see what he says, he may say why not, he may say hell but at least you will know where he stands. Tell him you say it on a talk show or something and looked at the website.. Good luck and be careful, that life isn't for everyone. Keep us posted.

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 8:54 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • You might want to watch some of Dr. Berman's shows and/or look at a couple of her books in a good book store.  Do it together.  She is really helpful to couples.  GL


    Answer by elizabr at 8:57 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I myself am in a monogamous marriage, but not everyone is. Best thing I recommend is to talk to your husband.
    If you really want to enter this kind of lifestyle.
    Not for me, but you're a adult, and it's up to you.

    but I would consider all angles before you get into this.


    Answer by ItsMe89 at 9:10 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Um... I'm not sure that's a way to solve that kind of problem. If you guys are already having problems, bringing another person into the mix is going to screw it up worse, isn't it?

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 9:17 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My advice to you would be to quit the website immediately and begin some discussions with your husband about your feelings and how to solve the problems without including third, fourth and more parties.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:30 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Enhance a good sex life, maybe (not my thing) but try to fix a bad one, no way. I found out the my dad is a swinger. Made me so sick I can hardly talk to him anymore.

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 9:33 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

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