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4 Bumps

How can I help my sister with this adoption?

My sister was 13 when she became pregnant. She had my neice at 14. I was planning my wedding and my sister being heavier no one noticed she was pregnant. My mother took her th dr because my sisters leg became swollen. Turns out she had preclampsia, that's when we all found out she was pregnant.She had an emergancy c section. My mother called it a Christmas mericle and told my sister to keep the baby. Through out the months of her first year I tried to get her to give her up for adoption. telling her it would be best for them both. But my mom told her she would take her if my sister didn't want her. My neice will be 5 this year. Now my sister is 18 and on her birthday she left, with out her daughter. At first I was mad at my sister but we talked and she just wants to be an 18 year old. go to college, get a job, have fun and get married one day. She loves her daughter but isn't ready to be a mother. What would have been hard for a regular 13 year old is even harder for my sister because she is high functioning MRDD.After a long talk she is ready to put my neice up for adoption. How do I help her do that and get through the emotional heart ache of it? my mother won't be supportive of it. She is a baby collector( I come form a very large family) and she is already lieing and shutting my sister out. Thanks for answering my question.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (47)
  • I am so sorry for what you must be going through, but especially what this little girl is going through. Since this child will be 5 years old, is there any chance your sister could keep and care for her? I would first talk to her about keeping her little blessing in her life. If not, the only way adoption can be done is for her to sign off her rights. Where is the father of this child? He will also have his rights. Is there anyone close to this child that would step in and help, before turning to adoption? If your mom's house is unsafe for this child, then your sister needs to protect her, and not abandon her. Maybe your sister feels she can always come back and see her so that is why she leaves her with your mom. I hope and pray everything will be okay. Please keep us posted.

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 12:53 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I am sorry to sound harsh but i can not keep this to myself! HOW CAN ANYONE GIVE UP A CHILD AFTER 5 YEARS??? I FEEL LIKE CRYING, MY SON IS 5! I can not imagine.. and you want to help?? OMG let your mother keep her, she said she would all along, I am sick inside, a tiny baby has no idea but a 5yr old? REALLY? How do people give away their kids?? Especially, when she has help? Your gonna sit her down and say ok we don't want you so we are giving you to a brand new family now? That poor child! I pray to God your mother steps up and takes her, clearly she is MUCH BETTER OFF with your mom!

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 9:20 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Is the child in any way being harmed?  I can't see why you would even concern yourself THIS much over a child that is not yours.  If the child is taken care of why the hell would you want your mother to go through that heartbreak?  A baby collector?  Thankfully someone is.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:27 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Yeah you definitely weren't clear! However, i still can not imagine ANYONE giving away their kid, and when my brother didn't want to be a father and my nieces mom didn't want to me a mom, i was only 23 and i jumped in quit school and took her then talked my mom into getting custody of her, she was 18mths old, now she is 14 and sure it was tuff and now she is a pain in the ass teen who knows everything but but I'd do it all over again. How can a 5yr old just be sent away like some stranger? I swear to you if my SO would be ok with it, I would take her off your sisters hands in a heart beat.

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • If my dh could not handle me stepping up and being a responsible big sister and aunt he would not be in my life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I kind of agree with the PP. At 5 years old your niece doesn't need to be taken from the only home she has known and given to strangers. If she has been living with your mother all this time she needs to stay there. The time to put her up for adoption has passed. You should read up on RAD and other attachment disorders to see what this is going to do to your niece, what the "responsible" adults in her life are attempting to do is horrid. Obviously, your sister has no attachment to her daughter, if you mother wants her than give custody to your mom.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:29 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • If your sister doesn't want the child and your mom is abusive I would have called CPS a long time ago.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:38 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • To answer your actual question; there's nothing you can do to help her with the emotional heart ache. She's in for a world of hurt that will last a lifetime. Even if she has an open adoption where she knows her daughter is alive and well, she wont be immune. Birthmother's do not get over it and never forget. Since you're the one that has been encouraging her to give up her daughter, there's a strong possibility that she will blame you for the pain of her loss.

    As far as your niece. I personally don't know any adoptees that were given up at 5. I can only imagine the abandonment and rejection issues she will have.
    Your sister just wants to be an 18 year old. go to college, get a job, have fun and get married one day. Well, she's not just an 18 year old, she's an 18 year old mother and adoption won't change that.

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:05 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I agree with jenzamomof12 100%

    Answer by jenn4443 at 9:28 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Anon, you said that you all left as soon as possible but yet you were removed? If your sister had your niece when she was 14 and your niece is five that makes your sister 19. Before you post for attention check out that your math and stories match.

    Answer by Acid at 9:39 AM on Mar. 22, 2011