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Do you think it's a reasonable decision to cut a family member out of your life if they are toxic?

If so, what do you do about other family members who you love and cherish and don't want to hurt in the process? I have been bullied by my Sister for 40 years now and I just don't want to deal with it anymore. My husband understands where I'm coming from, but says it's not Christian of me to do it, but she is the one who is not treating others in a Christian way. Has anyone been through this? What did you do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • "Christian"???  I must have missed the part of the bible that tells people to be doormats, and to intentionally put them self in the position of being bullied.  Perhaps your hubby should go talk to the priest, minister, etc... and get a bit more perspective.


    Yes, if she is THAT toxic then you cut her out... but your not mean, rude, or hurtful... you just end ties.  Be polite to the other family and simply explain that you have had a parting of ways and you will not be discussing it or involving ANYone else in your decision.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I would cut that person out and refrain from attending any family functions where that person may attend. I don't know if I have cut a person out per say, but I have drastically cut the amount of interaction that we have. My sister is toxic and I cant stand the way she treats others especially her child.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:26 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I have issues with my uncle and his wife. Similar, but what i think is best to do is speak to her one last time, and say, this is what needs to happen, if it doesn't, for the sake of my sanity, i will need to cut you out of my life for awhile! Never make it permanent and always be casual for your family's sake at holiday events, but otherwise keep your distance. Good luck!
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 9:26 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Yes if they are not good for you cut them out. Now since it's your sister I'm sure there will be times where you have no choice but to be around her. Like holidays and family functions and such. So just be civil. Don't go out of your way to not speak or be a butt. You don't have to answer to anyone and if she doesn't add to your life in some way. By supporting you or whatever then no I don't feel you need her.
    StefInfection

    Answer by StefInfection at 9:27 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My father and his side of my family where out of my life until I was an adult and found them. it took the 3 months for me to realize why my mother didn't want me around them. Now I chat once in a while with siblings online but keep it at that. I don't talk to my father. sometimes family is bad for you. if cutting her out isn't for you then limit the contact.
    Liamsmom09

    Answer by Liamsmom09 at 9:28 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My husband made a decision to cut his own father out of his life. Its been 13 years and he hasnt spoken to him since. If you love someone you understand why they do the things they do. So if people dont respect you and the reason you want to do it , who cares. Your doing this for YOU!
    jmgblair10

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 9:28 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Absolutely!! I made this decision on New Year's 2009, and DO NOT REGRET IT!!! It has made my life much easier, and the stress level has dropped to a managable level for me and my family. I'm sorry that things like this happen to people, but sometimes, you need to think of how your relationships with your siblings, or other family members affect you, your children and SO. The toxic family members in my life almost cost me my marriage, and my son couldn't handle all the fighting and negativity.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 9:28 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I'm going through something similar. I've decided to avoid all get togethers where my older sister will be present. It's become far too emotionally intense for me to deal with this anymore. My mom understands that it's what I need to do...although it's somewhat upsetting as the cousins rarely see each other as it is. But, I can't let myself be subject to my sisters mental instabilities.
    Acid

    Answer by Acid at 9:28 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • its not so much about being christian with about haveing healthy relationships with loved ones and keeping a healthy state of mind. toxic relationships are not good to have and can have very bad effects on a person. i have cut out several toxic people in my life and yes i do feel guilty but my life is much better now and all the negative drama has come to a stop. it was to the point that it was not only effecting me but it was effecting my whole family so i had to put a stop to it. gl i wish you the best.
    laura970

    Answer by laura970 at 9:30 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I have also a sister like this and she doesn't even realize that she does this. I have cut the time spent with her but it hurts because that means I see less of her kids. I put up with the drama so I can see them and for social events like holidays, parties and weddings, etc. I just had an encounter with her the other day and every time, she makes my opinions seem worthless. You can tell her how she makes you feel but beware, she may act the victim and turn it around. Well, at least in my case, she does.
    Philly247

    Answer by Philly247 at 9:33 AM on Mar. 22, 2011

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