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3 Bumps

What can I do to make my Hubby make more time for me?

He's always working, or finding excuses to be out and about and always asks me to go out and do something. But i find that its so much that i hardly see him anymore.

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couzie139

Asked by couzie139 at 1:54 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (341 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I don't know that this is the best advice, but when I dealt with this I was constantly asking my husband to spend more time with me and he never got it until I finally said one day "You know, this is exactly why women get lonely and seek companionship elsewhere." I would NEVER cheat on my husband, and he knows this, but just making him realize that he was pushing me away like women who DO cheat are pushed away was enough to make him think twice and start seeing things from my perspective.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I should add that I got lucky that saying that worked. It could backfire and make your husband angry. That's why I said it's probably not the best advice, but it did work for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • You can't MAKE a husband do anything. He has to want to....nagging or being needy won't help. He wants to enjoy being with you when he wants to. You can't MAKE anyone do something for you.
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 2:03 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I would get a life of your own. Sign up for voga or a class that your interested in. Start a regular girls night out. Make sure he knows that he will need to be home with the kid/s so you can go do this. Maybe when he sees what it's like to be stuck at home with a spouse that is out living a separate life he will come around. At the very least even if he doesn't come around you'll have something for yourself to fill some of the hole.

    I read the book why men marry bitches. And while this book is a little to much to the other extreme I think it gave me some good insight. I think my ex thought that since he had already won me I would just be there like a puppy whenever he wanted and he could just do what he pleased. when he realized that I was not a caught fish and that he was going to have to continually work for my heart. that sparked that love of the chase in him again. Just a thought.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 2:07 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • May I ask a question.

    When he is home, how much of your time is dedicated solely to him?

    I ask for a reason, not to imply you are doing anything wrong or right. Just simply asking, when he is home how much of your time do you dedicate solely to him and him alone, focusing solely on the 2 of you? You can't "make" him want to spend time with you. However, how you are choosing to spend that time (the time he spends with you) can affect how he views that time, and affect how he chooses to spend his time. I hope that makes some sense.. lol
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:26 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • well, he gets home from work everyday at 6:30p.m.
    then the kids go to bed at 7:30p.m. but then he finds some reason to be "busy"
    We have this garage that is like every mans dream, and so he goes out there.
    Then we usually go to bed at 9:30-10 cause we wake up very early.
    couzie139

    Comment by couzie139 (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Based solely on what you have shared. Neither of you are really making time for one another.

    Many years ago, my husband and I got into that sort of patter. Work, taking care of son/family, doing our own thing, then bed. I felt something was really lacking, and like you I wanted my husband to spend more time with me. I didn't realize at the time (mainly because our communication was so horribly poor) that my husband was feeling the same way.Neither one of us really knew (or even understood how important it is) how to really tell the other why we were feeling what we were feeling. We were both feeling isolated, and like we both had our set purposes, and "we" were really no longer part of that (set purposes: go to work.. taking care of home/family..etc). It causes problems for us, big problems in the long run simply because he handled the situation poorly.

    Cont.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:40 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I felt he always had something he preferred doing (playing a video game, watching something, even sleeping.) anything other than spend time with me. He felt that I didn't want to spend time with him because I was busy doing something with our son, or doing something in the house (cleaning.etc), and being cranky because I was doing those things while he did his things (ex's above.lol). It was a dead end cycle that caused some hurt feelings and resentments.

    We both had to learn that WE needed to make an effort to spend time with one another. Time that is/was just for the 2 of us and that's what we focused on. BOTH of us had to make an effort.We both learned that how we as individuals chose to spend our time, greatly affected how the other chose to spend theirs. The choices were more reaction and habit, than a choice because that's what we really wanted to do.We had to come together, and start working together for "us".
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:45 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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