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:::::::Mother IN law question.:::::::

My husband and I were toying with the idea of moving to Colorado. We told my mother in law and she was like " nooo out of the question.." " nope" " no".. " you guys aren't moving away, I want to see my grandchild once a week"... its like.. since when is she involved in our marriage and decisions we make??? has anyone dealt with this kind of controlling mother in law?? She also thinks its okay to plan every holiday at her house. She lives less than an hour away and we have to stay the weekend like twice a month.. How can I get the point across in a nice way we want our own family and our own traditions??? and our marriage isn't my husband, my mother in law ,and I!??!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • When you marry you do marry into the family as well lol. My mom was alot like this and when I had to move, I just did. My mil knows dh and I have toyed with moving once my 17 yr old graduates, and she has already said she will move with us then. I think you just do what you have to do, and remember people only have control over you and your emotions when you let them.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:59 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Just move if thats what you want or need to do. When she says I told you that you cant move, say, "I'm sorry (name) I was not aware that you were in charge of our life or where we live" Tell her your sorry she is not happy with your decision, but you need to do this for your family and you hope she will come visit, but if she wants to hate you or stop contact with you for moving then that decision AND it's consequences are ALL on her.

    Answer by vbruno at 1:59 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I know the feeling. I love my mother in law but i can't stand her. she calls like every single day at least a good 3-4times a day and can talk to my husband for an hr and a half even longer, but when i talk to her its like 10-15mins and then she insists on talking about my husband's ex Tori.
    But as for u mother in law just tell tell her and talk it over with ur husband

    Answer by at 2:02 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Good luck with that battle !!!

    Answer by jmgblair10 at 2:03 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My mother in law lives with us and its beyond hard. Infact she took over DS's nursery, so DS has been with us since she moved in. Its horrific. So since we need more space and hoping for a better job....DH and I have been talking about moving up north. MIL says she refuses to move anywhere except South Carolina....we were kinda thinking New Jersey. I feel like she has no room to talk. I would be more than happy to drop her off in South Carolina on our way to NJ. Sorry I cant help ya there sweetheart.
    ~ Michelle

    Answer by Wish2Be at 2:07 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • To some degree when you get married, you also get your husband's family. Imagine how you will feel when your child gets married if they don't want you to share in their lives. There will be differences with the son or daughter in law, and you won't want to be left out either.

    On the other hand, as a mother of three sons, ages 19, 21 & 28. Although of course I'd rather be near my boys, I would never tell them where they can live, or where they have to spend holidays. I do have all of the holidays here, and all three boys show up, but we work around the girl's families as well.

    Mother in laws shouldn't control your lives, but should be considered, they are your husband's mother's, as you are your child's mom.

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:09 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Mothers and/or MIL don't control your family. You need to step up now and make that very clear. If you don't want to spend every other weekend at her house just say no and stop going.

    Answer by meooma at 3:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • If that were my MIL I would have simply told her that she did not get to have a say in our lives (we let her for WAY too long anyway) and she would have to live with whatever decision we made. Then, I would start packing and be glad to be away from her. Good luck (c:

    Answer by scout_mom at 4:18 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Where you live is your and your husband's decision and yours alone. Moms in law have to adjust. Some do it kicking and screaming and some welcome the "adventure". Discuss all of this with your DH and show her how she can come visit and vice versa. Plan out the hoildays and start alternating them with your two families. Each year spend the holiday with a different family and also have them to your home. Decide right away which holidays are to be spent at home and stick to it. Christmas was a must for us to be home. It's difficult, but everyone can adjust. You need to be united with your husband and talk together with your MIL

    Answer by elizabr at 4:23 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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