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Advice please!! I'm at a loss what to do or how to handle this.....

We have lived in this neighborhood a short while and my girls have befriended a younger girl who is 6 (my girls are 9 and 10). I want to welcome any friend at this point, but I cringe when she rings my bell. Well she spent the night last night and it has been drama, drama, drama. My oldest doesn't like her and now I know why. I over heard the little one bashing her and I do not condone any name calling at all.  She has locked my daughter out of her own house, she belittles her, the last straw was when she told my daughter she could eat anything she wanted because she was the guest.  I told her flat out she doesn't eat anything unless I hand it to her.  But I have a soft place in my heart for this child. There are times when she comes over and then an hour or so her mom calls me and asks if she is here???? I'm sorry, but I would know where my 6 year old is at all times. A quick synopsis her mom had another child after her and he had to have major surgery soon after birth so big sister got pushed away so little brother could be taken care of. So she has had to basically raise herself.  On one hand I feel sorry for this child, but on the other I can't keep stressing every time she comes over.  I have sat her down and told her we play nice while we are here, I've told my oldest to stay away from her and my youngest daughter is a peace keeper between them.  It's just one big mess.  I too am a peace keeper and confronting mom is not really an option and I don't want to call CPS.  This child just hasn't had any guidance as far as I can tell.  Just need some advice on what to do when these little pubescent spats happen.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Yeah, I agree. Although u feel bad for her and her situation.... she is lashing out , bashing, and being RUDE to your kids in YOUR HOUSE. she's 6>!!!! I would seriously step back, I would maybe let her in a few times during the week... (depending on how she was the visit before) . Just let her know the girls have homework , dinner, and bath... or chores and she cant play today....

    Answer by kkbird at 2:21 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Im not sure how to handle it other than try talking to her again, and if she doesn't want to play nice tell her she can't come back for a couple of days, you have every right to tell her not to come to your house.

    Answer by lil_shannie at 2:13 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Just tell her that she can't come in or that your kids can't play right now, and send her on her way. That's what I'd do, especially if she was being a bad influence on or bullying one of my kids.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 2:16 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • You're going to have to talk to the Mother or the child will continue to suffer from neglect, and you will be partially responsible for it. If the Mother blows you off, and acts like it's nothing, then it's time to call cps. Someone needs to reach out for this child, or she's going to get in trouble, get hurt, or go missing.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 2:17 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Seems to me you are handling these spats just fine.....

    Answer by older at 2:34 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Well just tell the little girl, if she can't act like a young lady she won't be welcomed there anymore. its sad yes but why would you want to deal with any drama from a kid that isn't even yours. and you should speak to the mother, just let her know how her daughter acts when she is in your home and that she needs to talk to her daughter or again she won't be welcomed there. i'm sure with your older daughter its not big loss, but don't know how your younger one feels about her. all you are doing is letting them know how she should act when she is at someone elses home.

    Answer by lucky35 at 2:51 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My youngest has a few friends like this, and I understand how talking to the parents doesn't make a difference. I do exactly what you are doing, if something is said and I hear it, I tell them its not okay and they have two choices you can apologize and act civil and behaved in my house or you can home. If you can not follow my rules then you can leave. Most times that works, and the more I do the less issue I have, and being consistent in sending them home helps. (Although sometimes I feel horrible I have to send them home because I know what their home life is like, in fact one family did have CPS called and they did nothing). However you can't allow your children to ge the idea that the behavior is okay.
    I will also on occassion say my son can't play and close the door, sometimes when my son asks to play with them I even say no when I don't feel like dealing with the drama that day.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:53 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • When she comes over I would have organized activities for them to do with your supervision. Three is a crowd lots of times and that could be part of the problem, plus their age differences. Also, tell her over and over, calmly and with caring, what the rules are in your home. The bedroom doors should never be locked, etc. I would feel badly for her too but she would probably welcome consistent rules at your home.

    Answer by elizabr at 4:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2011