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4 Bumps

Is she being selfish or being a good parent...?

I am talking about my sister in law.... Her and my brother have 3 kids ( 4 y/o, 3 y/o, and a 14 month old) ...

My brother has a good job and she has been able to be a stay at home mom (and my older neice and nephew go to a really nice preschool) ... Thye have a nice house, nice cars... basically not in the need for money...

But now she decides she wants a carreer ( she isnt sure what kind yet ) ... which is fine if that is what she wants, then she should... BUT she put in applications for only one school because that is the ONLY school that she wants to go to.

The problem is, that school is over 4 hours away....

Her plan: let my brother, my and my mom raise the kids while she is gone and she will come home to "visit" every other weekend....

I think this is ridiculous and that she just wants alone time or something - we have several great schools around here but she only wants to go to one that isnt even a special school ( the ones around here have better programs, and are more known for being good schools) ....

My brother is upset and she is mad that none of us are glad for her.... she says she is being a good parent because she is ensuring they will have a good future ( since she is getting an education, she can get a better job and that way they will both have jobs in case something happens to my brother) -- that is a good idea BUT it is just so wrong that she is basically abondoning her children for this... when she could just as easily go to one within 30 mintues away and still be at home in the mornings and nights...... her CHOOSING to be away from her kids is NOT being a good mother..... how can she see it that she is doing the best for them -- she doesnt even know what kind of carreer she wants yet...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (34)
  • I agree, that is being selfish.

    Answer by older at 3:59 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • That is VERY strange to me. I can totally understand a mom wanting to have some time to herself, going back to school/work/whatever. But to basically be away from her kids for 2 weeks, and then come see them for 2 days??? NO no, not normal. Not normal at all. Especially not young kids like that.

    I couldn't be a SAHM, I like the adult interaction I get at work, but I would be DEVASTATED if I couldn't see my 2 year old every day!

    Answer by Anouck at 3:59 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I personally would never do that. I couldnt imagine leaving my kids if I had the option to do what i wanted to further my career and still be close by. But that is me. In my opinion if she chooses to go away, that is fine, as long as her husband is ok with it. if he is not ok with it, then yes it is a problem. This is a personal family matter for them. And for their family, it should not matter how you or anyone else feels. This is something she needs to work out with her husband.

    Answer by DRM0329 at 4:01 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Sounds crazy to me and selfish.

    Answer by elizabr at 4:01 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Sounds selfish to me. There are too many online schools, or like you mentioned schools that are local, to chose to go to a school so far away. Sounds like she's overwhelmed and unahappy and looking for a way out to me. Poor kids, that's way to young to understand why Mom is gone.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 4:01 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • That doesn't even make sense for her to do that. I would go insane if I only saw my kids every other weekend. Is hubby paying for her to go to school?

    Answer by amber1330 at 4:03 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • drm0329 -- my brother is not happy with it at all he is upset.... she just told him that she was, she planned all of this without talking to him about it...

    and it does involve me since I will be the one basically raising her kids while she is "gone" ( my brother works 12 hour days, my mom wont beable to watch them for long periods of time because of her health) .... so I think I DO have a reason to be upset too....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Amber1330 -- of course she is expecting my brother to pay for it all...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:05 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I think there's some other attraction to this one school... and it ain't the curriculum. Never mind being a good parent; I suspect she's an unfaithful wife.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:06 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Its weird to me. Has he tried looking online and seeing if she has any "friends" at this school 4 hours away? I knew a married woman who did something similar and turned out she met a guy who went to that college and moved there more for that, than for school.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:09 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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