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Should my 6 year old daughter be calling her stepmom "mom"?

I have been divorced for about 4 years, and both of us are remarried. My ex and his wife are expecting a baby in about 3 months, and told my daughter to refer to her stepmom as "mom or mommy", so the baby won't get confused. I explained to everyone involved that I do not think it is appropriate, and I explained to my daughter that it is not ok with me. Stepmom emailed me and said I was out of line, stating that she has 2 moms and 2 dads. We share 50-50 custody, so I am just as present as anyone else. I appreciate that her stepmom loves her and treats her as her own, I feel as if "mom" is me, that is my title. I have felt my toes stepped on for quite some time now, stepmom volunteers in my daughters class, (I do too, but on a different day), taking her to a nail salon, etc., even after I have expressed my feelings to my ex, they just seem to do whatever they want anyway. I wonder if I am overreacting? Wonder what other children call their stepparents? Ugh.. lots of anxiety, none of which I want for my daughter.

Answer Question
 
aac11

Asked by aac11 at 6:08 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • What does your daughter call your husband, her stepdad?
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 6:10 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I think it should be up to the kid to decide if she wants to call her Mom or not. I can see why your upset though.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 6:10 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I call my Mother Mom and my Mother in law Mum.. it just depends on the preference of those involved. My kids will call any step parent by their name but thats just me
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 6:11 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • i wouldn't want my child calling another woman their mom but thats my opinion and how i feel
    mamawilbur

    Answer by mamawilbur at 6:11 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I don't think its right ask her if she feels its okay for her new baby to call you mom? Tell her thats how you feel! And that your daughter can call her by her name and thats it. That you and your ex have 50/ 50 not you and her she needs to but the hell out.
    letlovegrow2524

    Answer by letlovegrow2524 at 6:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • nope. if you're not happy with it, then definitely not. i'd be hot if it were me. the new kids' gonna have to learn their mom's real name eventually anyway
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 6:13 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • My daughter calls my husband by his first name, and calls him her stepdad if she is refering to him at school etc.
    aac11

    Comment by aac11 (original poster) at 6:14 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Then she should do the same for her stepmom. I applaud the woman for her balls to expect the child to call her mom, but your daughter should call her what SHE wants too. What does your daughter say about the whole thing? What does she want to call her?
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 6:16 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Personally, I would allow my children (and do) to call the step mom what the CHILD is comfortable with. I understand your feelings, as I'm divorced; however, it's not about you, it's about your daughter. It sounds to me as if her step mom is good to her and cares about her, and that should come before anything else. If you have 50/50 custody, then you have to let go of some of the control as her father and step mom are in her life regardless of how you may feel about it.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 6:23 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I think it should be up to the child, not you, step mom, or dad. I think it entirely depends on what she is comfortable with & what she wants to call her.

    My ex's children STILL call me mom, even though i am not technically their step mom anymore. I never asked them to call me mom, they just did. Their bio mom did mot care at all & thought it was neat that they felt comfy enough with me to call me mom.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:23 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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