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4 Bumps

I don't know what to do...

Me and the SO have been fighting a lot lately, and it's always over the same thing the house. I tell him I need help with the house work I have an infant who I breastfeed and a 2 1/2 year old. He comes home from work bitches about the house and then just sits on his ass all night and watches tv or plays games. Then when I yell back he act like because he pays the bills I need to get out and he's over us. He's even told me I'll have you evicted. Then he tells me he can't stand to be around me and doesn't even want to come home. I'll ask so you want to end thing and he says yes. I tell him every time if thats what he wants then fine but I will not come back to you, you end thing i'm done forever. Is that what you want? Then he won't answer me anymore. Or he will turn it around and act like I'm the one who wants to end things. He still comes to be every night and acts like nothing happen the next day. I'm really hurt over this he said some really hurtful things. He never tells me I love you anymore or says bye to the babies but never me. I understand he pays all the bills but he acts like I never do anything. And because of that he shouldn't have to help with the kids or house work. When do I get a day off or a break. I went out once since I had my dd and he holds it over my head every chance he gets. I'm to the point where I want it to just be over, even when things are good there not I still feel like I need to be walking on egg shells. Ever since the baby came he acts like im a second class citizen. I don't want to live with my mother she can't afford to as is and I have no job or car because my cars in his name and he pays for it. I want to hurt him as bad as hes been hurting me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Some men are just s**t.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:46 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Awww - I'm so sorry you are going through this. Men are just different they can inflict emotional pain and act as though nothing happens - it wounds us so deeply and it's hard to get passed it. He sounds very passive-aggressive and unappreciative that you not only carried and care for his children, but try to keep the house WHILE breastfeeding - when my daughter nursed I felt like she was on my boob all day and I got nothing done. He needs to buck up and step up to the plate here. Can you afford a cleaning service twice a month? Sometimes that money is WORTH saving your marriage. If this pattern of behavior continues I fear you are doing down a dead end road and very unhappy marriage. This is a good example of why a woman needs her own money, own vehicle etc. He's threatening to take away your basic needs - that is abusive and WRONG. I hope you find an answer and wish you the best. BIG HUGS
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 7:48 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • If you want to save this marriage, you will need to make an appt w/ a counselor or your clergy. Things cannot continue on the way they are. There have already been too many hurtful things said & done, that will need a lot of time & effort to get past. I really hope you and he can find your way back to each other. Best of luck! *Hugs*
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:50 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Maybe it's time to learn to stand on your own feet. Get a job, put the kids in childcare, save your money, and then see what he does when he see's that you don't need him to survive. It's just a thought. I'm not saying to leave him, I'm saying to stop relying on him.

    I know a lot will tell you to move on, but I don't think you want to. Sit down and talk to him when he seems cooled off. Tell him you don't want your marriage to suffer just because of the house work. Tell him it hurts when he doesn't acknowledge you when he's leaving and only kisses the kids goodbye. Without communication there's nothing. Don't yell at him, talk in a calm manner. Maybe look into marriage counseling as well, it might help.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 7:52 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • i been with my dh for 17 yrs and i have dealt with the same thing he finally got a clue when i went on strike and he could not stand it and if he told me too get out i would and io will take the kids too that will hurt him more then anything.
    chris1975

    Answer by chris1975 at 8:00 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • He doesn't listen to me when I talk he acts like I'm being dramatic or whining. I only make a little over 600 from unemployment a month which is hardly enough for a place with two kids diapers and food. I've often thought about taking a friend up on offer to move in together her her and her son. I love being home with my kids I missed out on so much with my oldest because I worked so much and I don't have to now. But getting treated and talk to like a dog doesn't seem fair.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:02 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I thought about getting a motel room for a few days close by but not telling him, but I'm afraid its a waste of money and he still won't get it. he told me before if i left he would change the locks.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:05 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I been thrugth this maney years. Give it a time and be pationt. Everything will be fine just try to egnore the things that bother u on him,try to cool down.
    lelly1019

    Answer by lelly1019 at 8:19 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I don't think getting a hotel room is going to solve the problem. A solid couple does not threaten to break up over a fight about housework. I agree with the advice to talk to him when he is cooled down and see what he really wants and expects, and what you want and expect. If you are home all day it's not unreasonable to expect a load or two of laundry to be done, or that you might have a chance to run the vacuum, but it's not ok to expect a spotless house and dinner on the table every night at six when you have your hands full with 2 little ones all day. If he isn't going to change then you're just going to keep having the same fight, yelling, and threats until one of you really does leave, so try to figure out now if you two want to work on things or not. It will require you both to make an effort and to make changes. If he won't realize the importance and stress of your job things will stay the same. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 8:23 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Yes I am with talking when he cooled down, and u have to calme down ether, try to talke. Stope the yelling it is not going to do anygood, it will do the opssite. So tell us if soething new. Good luck
    lelly1019

    Answer by lelly1019 at 8:29 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

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