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So how do I decide?

I have to decide if I want to take my ex husband back. It has been 7 years. We have remained friends. He claims he has changed. I have let him hang out with us. The kids are thrilled he is around. Howver I have not slept with him fearing that attachment.

He was very irresponsible and self absorbed. His mother trumped everything. She came first and I was left on several occassions fending for myself. I hate to admit it but his mother will not let him go. I felt like he did everything with his mother but have sex with her. He finally moved out if her home 3 years ago...at the age of 34....what now?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • let the past be the past
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:29 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Maybe he really has grown up, but you should be able to tell that. And you should also be able to tell if he has become more responsible and less self-absorbed. I don't know how long he has been back in the picture, so maybe part of the problem is that it has not yet been long enough for you to observe for yourself whether or not he really has changed. I don't think that is something that you can just take his word about but rather something that you will need to see and assess for yourself. So just give it some more time. If he really has changed, he shouldn't mind the wait. And I would continue the no sex policy until such time as I had made my decision and we were remarried. If he starts to pressure you to make a decision before you are ready, that could be a sign that he wants to seal the deal before you find out he really hasn't changed at all. Patience is the key!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:30 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • i wouldnt ,
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 10:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Well I can tell you that his mother will remain first in his life and if you do let him come back it might be ok for awhile but he will slide back to his normal self after awhile and you will be unhappy again.
    I would keep things the way they are and date him with out attachments and see how his relationship with his mom goes and then you will see if he has broken the bond (for your sake) or still attached
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:16 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I'd say give yourself the time to see if he has actually grown into a more responsible less momma dependent man. Don't get yourself physically involved with him because that will only cloud your judgment. Time will show you if he has changed into someone you could love again or if you are just hoping that what he is saying is true. So, give yourself the time hun, you deserve it after what he has put you through!
    AWomansMind

    Answer by AWomansMind at 10:36 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I'd give him a chance, but go very slowly. Dates with no sex, family nights, that kind of thing. Once he has been around for a while and not getting any, you should be able to tell if he is just pulling your chain or what. Good luck, Mama!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 2:26 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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