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How do I stop being so freaking selfish?????? (vent and asking advice)

I KNOW that I'm being selfish and probably a little bit of a bitch too but....okay DH works 2 jobs and so obviously sleeps most of the rest of the time....I literally only get ONE night with him a week....so yeah...I want to spend that night WITH him. Shoot me.

The thing is....yesterday...the ONE night I get with him...he went to his mothers (whom I'm not a great fan of) to pick up our daughter who had spent the weekend over there...he ends up falling asleep over there in front of the TV waiting for his mama to get Kelley ready...who by the way, already knew Rich was coming to get her at 3:30 when he got off work so why Kelley wasnt ready to go when he got there is beyond me.....so anyways..around 6 I start calling him trying to see when he's going to get home..remember this is my ONE night with him....but when Rich is sleep he might as well be dead and waking him up by calling him is absolutly impossible...so I start calling his mother....no answer...finally at 9 at night she calls me with the perkiest voice you can imagine to let me know that Rich is there but that he's sleep....she lets me talk to my daughter then gets back on the phone...."Oh did you want me to wake him up?" yes please.

I didnt say anything...it didnt even really upset me...I KNOW that he needs to spend time with his family.....but today guess where he is...he's over there again. He's decided to eat dinner over there....now I'm upset. Sorry, yes I know I'm a selfish bitch but I want him to come home....he was over there ALL FREAKING DAY yesterday. Today he needs to bring his ass home. Do I say any of this to him? No because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to come between him and his mama....but damn.

How do I stop being like this???? Why can't I just say "Okay Monique, you know he needs to spend time with his mother so just suck it up"? It's just that I get SO LITTLE time with him! Please any advice....that is actually in the form of advice and not just being mean to me.....as you can see I already feel like I'm being a selfish bitch lol

 
Lucky209

Asked by Lucky209 at 10:12 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Well if that is all the time you get with him then YES he should spend it with you not his mom I know she is his mom but your his wife and should be his first priority...sorry if others don't agree with me but your marriage comes first. My husband works overnights so he leaves like 930 pm til 6 am and then sleeps all day for 5 days and when he is off on Sun and Mon we only get 1 day together too because while he is off on Sunday I'm working so Monday is our day and we put each other first, it's hard but we do it. Sometimes my mom gets mad at me if she calls and I don't have time to talk and she will make committs like you don't have time for me now since you got married and I say mom yes i am married now and he comes first. She gets mad but it's my life and i want whatever time i can get with just us too she even gets mad if we go to dinner and don't invite her or go on vacation, so hey hold your ground .talk to hubby...ok
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:08 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Why don 't you spend time with him at his moms' when he goes? It will give you more time together and might help you get closer to MIL. Try and do your best to love, understand and appreciate this MIL. Some day your daughter will be bringing someone home who will become a part of your family and you will see it all with greater understanding. You are lucky to have a MIL who is willing to help with your child. Just keep being the woman you would want to come home to when he is there- just be grateful he is supporting you.. and find some friends through hobbies and interests you like ( sign up for community classes, join a moms' group etc). It sounds like a little independence and outside intersts would do you good. You are not being a bitch, you just need to make some changes to complete what you need. Watch your thoughts for out of them comes your emotions. Keep it positive. :-) Hugs !!
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 11:07 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • i dont think your being selfish , i think you miss him , long for him , dont be so hard on yourself , ok.
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 10:16 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Wait a minute...aren't you the same person who said the MIL was irate over the fact that when she changed to an earlier pick up time without you knowing, she was pissed your daughter wasn't ready? Yeah, I would be bringing that up when she didn't have your daughter ready for pick up either.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:29 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • are you pms? seriously cause that can make it worse. I'd address the fact that you didn't get any of them to pick up the phone till 9pm because that's really late. I'd be worried sick. Pick that bone with him and tell him to tell his Mama to call if something along these lines ever happens again. You have every right to be annoyed and worried.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:15 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • LMAO @Mom-2-3-Girlz!!!! Yes I am that same person! I'm glad someone is seeing that there is a pattern with her
    Lucky209

    Comment by Lucky209 (original poster) at 10:33 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Yes. It sounds like she just really enjoys keeping you out of the loop on things. I mean seriously! If my LP fell asleep at his mother's, SHE would call me and ask me if I wanted her to wake him up, let him sleep, come get our kids, have her drop the kids off, or what...not ignore my calls for 3 hours!
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:38 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I don't get her!!!!! And okay lets say magically she didnt hear me calling her over and over again....you would think she would call before then anyways because she's had my daughter all freaking weekend and would assume I miss her and want her to come home!
    Lucky209

    Comment by Lucky209 (original poster) at 10:41 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I would be annoyed. I mean why get married to someone and never see them. BUT, next time I would go pick your daughter up and not even have him go over there. It is hard working two jobs. It almost feels like she took advantage of the situation. So I would just "cut her off at the pass"
    CPRsarah

    Answer by CPRsarah at 3:52 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

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