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I lost patience today..

...and yelled at my dd. I can handle the fits and screaming and anything else she decides to throw my way (not literally) most days..but I hit my breaking point today. I could not get her to pick up her toys for anything..I threatened her with taking Dora away (she loves to watch Dora) and not getting my phone (she has some games on it that she can play), and followed through with it..so I get her toys picked up and put back in the closet and we go upstairs to start straightening up my bedroom..I took something to the baby's room (I'm pregnant with number two) and I sat down for a few minutes to look something up..dd then brings toys into that room and bc I told her she couldn't get in the crib she started throwing her toys..so I told her if she kept it up I would by them and give them to boys and girls who do what their mommy tells them to do..she throws toys again, and I bagged them up...fast forward to tonight, I'm in my room that never got straightened up, just the bed made, and here comes dd with her small plate of leftover spaghetti bc she got scared of a passing truck downstairs (our house isn't very sound efficient)..so I let her stay and sit in the floor to eat. She decided she wanted to sit by me and climbed on the bed, and starts hitting me with a pillow..I tell her to stop, and she kept it up..so I took the pillow away and tossed it in the floor, it would end up there at some point tonight anyway..and she got mad and took her plate and intentionally flipped it up side down spilling the spaghetti on the floor, and did the same with the snack bag of chips she brought up with it..I shut her in her room...she ran back into my room and started yelling at me..and I lost it..I yelled back at her and when she climbed up on the bed and started kicking at me, I spanked her.

I feel horrible for the way I handled it..it's been all day the she's been pushing and I couldn't be pushed anymore...I'm not saying what I did was right and please don't bash me..it's just been a constant fight with her all day today,..how can I get her to stop these horrible off days that she has and keep my cool at the same time? She's normally good at listening and doing what I tell her, and if she doesn't all it takes is threatening her before she moves...can anyone give me advice? No bashing..She turns 3 in June.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • Well, she's a pre-schooler, so she's probably going to continue having these days & as she gets older there will be different kinds of days that make you crazy.

    1st, you are pregnant, so you probably have less patience, but would you consider taking a parenting class? When my 1st son was young I took a parenting class that helped me all the way through. It taught giving logical consequences for their actions & yes you can do this even when they're young. You don't want to threaten to give her things away as a punishment, because she'll resent giving things to other kids when you want to teach her generosity & compassion, but consider putting a lock on her closet & only letting her have a few toys out at at a time 'til she learns to pick up.

    Also, sit down & eat dinner with her, you will never regret it. She won't need to take her food to another room & it will become an important family ritual.

    Don't be too hard on yourself
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:18 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • We all have bad days, it happens to the best of us. I have 3 teenagers, but I remember the first time it happened all those years ago and I was appalled at myself. It is OK, you are human. The important thing is to remember you love your daughter, she loves you and you will both learn from today. Stop look back and think how things could have turned out differently if just one thing had been done differently, or one reaction had been different? Perhaps it would not have escalated to this level. It is easier when one steps back and looks at it in a different perspective. Try not looking at it as a whole, but one piece. And site back, have a glass of wine - or if you are like me, a glass of cherry coke.


    hugs

    catsmom1993

    Answer by catsmom1993 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Sounds like she needs some good quality play time with Mom...Just constant play and learning together. Just move right along with her playing and playing. I bet after a few hours of quality time you can get her to help. I think when we hit them at that age we are just teaching them to hit. When we yell, we are teaching them to yell. Do not plead with her..she is to young to understand. Instead just stay firm or redirect her attention when she has a tantrum. If none of that works...put Mom in time out...make sure your dd is in a safe place and you go step outside or in another room (bathroom with a lock) and cool down..think through what is happening and calm down.

    We all have those days btw.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I feel your actions were perfectly acceptable. Parents now days are all about saying please, and feelings. that is excellent but there is also the point when a parent needs to show dominance as to avoid any misunderstanding. such as "i will do what i want." sort of attitude. I don't have a toddler yet, my son isn't even one, but i feel that maybe it would help to think back on growing up, how was a situation handled. whether it be grounding, or time outs, or the occasional spanking. what punishments worked on u? guess consistency is what the "experts" say. and just by reading your question i can even see that its a case of dd being jealous of a new baby. i don't think anyone can actually give advice on this situation because they all differ in so many ways, but i don't think spanking her to get her attention after behaving that way was a bad thing. i am sorry if this didn't help. don't feel ashamed for being human!!!
    StillWoman22

    Answer by StillWoman22 at 11:26 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I was around her and we played alot of the day..I'm just frustrated and mad at myself that I let myself get that worked up. There's not really a whole lot we can do..I'm sure she gets bored with seeing the same thing everyday (we became a one car family recently thanks to my bil,..dh's car was in his name and we were making payments but apparently bil didn't make the payments and failed to tell us..) bc we're so used to getting out and about every few days..and now to nothing cold turkey..lol..I know she was tired and that caused her fits to escalate, but what am I supposed to do when she refuses to nap?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:31 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • I have learned that I'm not perfect and I will apologize to my kids when I realize I was wrong. There's nothing wrong with doing that. By you letting your kids know that you make mistakes and apologize for your actions, your kids will have to realize that when they do something wrong that they can admit their mistakes too. We're all human and can make mistakes but being able to admit it allows to keep the door open between you and your child and have a better relationship.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:33 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • lol, you DD sounds like my DD.. I noticed while I was pregnant I had a shorter fuse because of hormones.. still have it a little now that baby is 3 months old, but not nearly as bad as when I was pregnant.
    Like today my DD decided she didn't have enough syrup on her plate and dumped it all over the ENTIRE plate, rather than the part that held her french toast.. so yeah, the eggs were about done. So I made her take her plate in the kitchen to place by the sink and get a banana instead. (well on the way there she thought it would be cute to tip the plate and watch the syrup dribble out, so I had an entire trail on syrup from the dinning room to the kitchen!). I made her get down and clean the floor with soap and water.. not just the trail but the kitchen floor as well. WHen she first started this stage cleaning up the little mess never phased her, so while we still have days like today, they've cut down a lot.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:08 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • It's more a once a week thing, rather than an every day thing with her. lol. Plus she's at the age where she can start learning a little responsibility for her things AND everyone else's things in the house. When she's done with her tantrum and cleans up the mess and takes her punishment (more cleaning, in those type of cases). Then she normally comes up and apologizes and we talk. She tells me why she did it (mostly she gets bored and things like the syrup trail were a quick fix, she didn't think about consequences or it being bad at the time until AFTER she did it). So she learns why it was bad and we talk about better ways to find amusement or communicate her boredom to me. (I was BF the baby at the time when she got bored, and she's been a little jealous of the new baby taking some of her ALL me time, lol). IF nothing else.. just laugh about it later.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:13 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • what have you tried doing to get her to take a nap?
    StillWoman22

    Answer by StillWoman22 at 4:18 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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