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Am I a failure or a bad mother?

For having to be on Food Stamps and Housing assistance and have my 2 kids on Medicaid? I am a full time online student and a stay at home mom. My husband works full time but we still need to be on assistance until I get my degree and get a good job. Someone made a comment about money problems earlier that really made me feel like crap. I know things will get better and we will no longer need assistance, but am I a failure for needing assistance right now? My kids welfare is all that matters to me, so I'm not going to give up food stamps so we don't have enough healthy food for them, but sometimes I just really feel like a failure for having to have help. (Sorry if I rambled, but I'm just a bit down at the moment.)


Asked by Kword at 11:23 PM on Mar. 22, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 27 (29,610 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • You are so NOT a failure. Assistance is there to be a helping hand for those that need it, and it's not like you're going to live off of it forever, and your hubby works, you're going to college to better your life. You shouldn't feel like that, especially because of something some judgmental opinionated idiot on this website had to say. You've been paying taxes which goes towards PA, why not use it when you're down and out? Sorry, I just get fired up when people who actually use PA for good have to feel bad for using it because of bullshit that's spewed by people who shouldn't matter.

    Answer by Nanixh at 11:32 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Hugs ! Don't let their comments get to you. NO you are not a bad mother. You are doing great, raising kids and going to school. You are not abusing the system like others do for their entire lives. People are entitled to their opinions just as you or I are, do not give it power, what matters is what you think and how you live. So what if you need help- soon it will change..... You are taking care of your family, be proud and keep your chin up. This will all be worth it when you get your degree. What are you going for?

    Answer by LeJane at 11:35 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • As long as you are doing the best that you can for the present and future of your children and your family, then you are def. not a bad mom!! You and they will be better in the long run, because of the sacrifices that you are making now!! Hang in there, stay strong, and don't let anyone's comments or remarks bring you down!! All that matters is you and your fam. mama. Congrats on setting a good example for them by following your dreams and furthering your education!! Best of luck on a bright and successfull future!! :)

    Answer by HappyEndings at 11:36 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • Honey, please do not think like that. What you are is a damn good mama. You are going to school and bettering the lives of your family. Good for you is what I say. Keep your chin up.

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 11:34 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • nevermind what ppl say they gonna tk crap b c they behind the computer..I bet u most of them is very miserable

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • No, you are not a failure. We are a family of 5. Dh works full time and I have an in-home daycare, open 4 days a week. We hit a rough patch last year and got on food stamps and medical assistance for the kids. We are working hard to get off of it, just like you are. We just had our review and our food stamps got cut in half. We like having them so we know that food isn't a worry but we were also excited that we are loosing them and are providing more for ourselves. You do what you need to do when the times are tough. The program was set up to help people like use who are also helping themselves.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Mar. 22, 2011

  • No u r not abusing the system. U r going to school so u can better ur self and ur family. dont think badly of that, in fact a lot would admire u for being brave enough to go back to school with children and a husband.

    Answer by brooklyndm at 12:07 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • hey! you are such a great mom! I'm in just about the same boat. Except we are both in school and he works part time. I'm having a baby in november ( i have a 2 year old too) this wasn't planned. Although we both said we don't want to have to go to the state for help....we HAVE to. It's the only way we can pay for childcare and food. We won't be on it forever...but we definitely need it. And I think that those who need it, need it. And that's that. I don't judge people who are on welfare AT ALL whatsoever. Even if I wasn't receiving it myself.

    Answer by Keeely07 at 12:10 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Don't feel that way. You're making the efforts to do better for you and your family.

    Answer by tspillane at 12:39 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • three things i ask people on assistance.. are you working to improve your living situation? (yes you are, hubby is working and you are attending school), you are NOT a users of drugs or other unnecessary luxuries(things like buying a new flat screen with rent or mortgage money type of things) that takes money away from needs for your family?
    and do you love your kids and put their needs first?

    as long as you say yes to all the above then you are all good mama :)

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:55 AM on Mar. 23, 2011