My sis and I have always been EXTREMELY close. I have always tried to support her emotionally and financially.
Last summer, she moved in with me and DH due to some financial issues.
A month after moving in with us, she connected with a new boyfriend. When DH and I met him, he told us that we could interrogate him and we half-jokingly asked him a few questions. Afterwards, he told my sister that he didn't care for us and refused to see us again.
My sister also stopped making time for us. She was not avoiding us, exactly, it was just that she spent all her time with her boyfriend (who refused to see us). Even worse, I inadvertently would overhear snippets of her telephone conversations with him that creeped me out. He would ask her about how much money we made. (My DH earns more than him) And he would ask how close my sister was to us and how important family was to her.
As these things began to surface, I made it clear to my sis that I was uncomfortable with having her bf in our home.
After a few months of dating, my sis decided to move in with her bf. I expected her to let me know when they planned to move her things out of the house,so that I could be sure to be gone. Instead, I came home to find her and her bf in my house with no warning whatsoever. When the bf saw me coming, he opened the driver and passenger doors of the moving van to block me out of driveway. (There was no other reason to open the doors) Then my sis starts yelling at me and literally spits in my face and runs out of the house . . . and to the car that my DH and I gave her (btw). I was in shock.
As I leave the house, her bf tells me that I am a terrible sister and bad mother. He tells me that I hurt everyone who knows me. He tells me that I hurt my children and my DH by just being myself. He tells me that it is hard to watch my mother suffer from having a daughter like me.
Keep in mind that this man has NEVER had a conversation with my DH. He has only spoken to my mother for less than a half an hour at a party (and they did not talk about me) and he has observed me with my children for approx. 20 minutes total.
Still, I was in tears. I asked him to leave and he laughed at me. I didn't want to call the police because we live in a small town and my sister's employer would inevitably find out. I didn't want to stigmatize my sister at her job, so I called my DH. DH immediately came home and told my sister's bf to never talk to me again.
My sis didn't talk to me for a month. Finally, I called her and invited her to Christmas. She declined because she had plans with her bf (she had been with him for all of 3 months at this point). She left it open that she might let me cook her a meal some other time when he was busy. At that point, I gave up.
I have given my sister over $60,000 over the last 10 years. Prior to this bf, I spoke to her almost every day. I supported her in every possible way. She was my best friend. I feel tremendous loss. Still, I struggle with reconciliation.
I really don't understand what happened. Even worse, our mutual friends acknowledge that she is not really upset about it. (I have to admit that this is typical for her. It took her two months to emotionally recover from the dissolution of her 10 year marriage)
Our mutual friends tell me that the current situation was directly caused by her actions. They warn me not to reconcile with her. They tell me that she lacks all deep emotion and that she will never reciprocate the depth of my feelings and loyalty toward her.
How can that be? We are sisters. Shouldn't sisters have a deep and special bond? It has been six months since she moved out and I am still very upset about this whole thing. I still cry about it. What can I do to move past this?
Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Relationships
Wow! I can't stand my sister and there is no way I would have done what she did and/or let somebody, ANYBODY, talk to her like that. Sadly, she's too wrapped up in her own stuff to care anything about me so I get the feeling of loss you have. First off, 6 months isn't that long. In this case though I would do what I always do. Get a pint of ice cream and a journal. Write down EVERYTHING that has happened in between yourself and your sister ever since you can remember. Give yourself 48 hours to grieve, and then absolutely refuse to give it any more attention.
Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 23, 2011
Answer by gypsymama532 at 1:21 AM on Mar. 23, 2011
Answer by okmommy08 at 1:23 AM on Mar. 23, 2011
maybe this guy is abusive and on purpose is separating her from the people she is closest too. Maybe he hasn't shown his true colors to her yet. Pray for her and one day when it's real take her back
Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Mar. 23, 2011
Answer by Arretsmomma5 at 4:25 AM on Mar. 23, 2011
Answer by smiley745 at 6:40 AM on Mar. 23, 2011
Answer by ConcernedMom141 at 9:11 AM on Mar. 23, 2011