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HELP with my 16 year old step-daughter!!

I feel so lost with her, I have tried about everything I can think of to try to have some sort of relationship with her; but i feel lost. I know she is 16, but things have been growing steadily worse for a couple years now. Her "real" mom is not even in the picture andd I know from experience she needs someone...anyone to go ont his ride with her. She says she wants a decent relationship with me, but all she does is dump all over me. My husband can't (or won't) give any help or advise to me about the situation, so i finally decided to handle it how i wanted -no holds barred- and feel good about it. I told her what I thought and how i felt (I'm sure it was hard to hear, cuz' i was absolutely honest) and even though I was very clear, she is still playing the same bitchy games. Last weekend she got everything she wanted (I figured it was easier that the fight that would follow if not) and still she was siging rolling eyes and slamming my car door...I don't get it.

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helplessmom7

Asked by helplessmom7 at 10:54 AM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • 16 is still a rebelious stage for most teens. They think they know more than you do about what's "hip". They think they should be able to do whatever they want. Being step-mom has very little to do with it. But, it's your house, you help pay the bills, she will abide by your rules. If she wants to roll her eyes, let her. If she doesn't want to obey you, just tell her "that will cost you". Then don't give in to her. She's playing the game and you are playing right into her hands. She got what she wanted? It worked last week, it will work again. Let's play. Learn to tell her no.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:59 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Take it back, stop getting her everything she wants, I think you are giving too much.....

    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:00 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • You need to sit her down and let HER talk. You've said your piece, so now it's time for her to give hers. Ask her to be totally honest, so you can see why she treats you the way she does. Try to remain calm and if she starts getting riled up just remind her you're only trying to understand. That you're not attacking her, you're not trying to manipulate or bully her, you're just trying to have a civilized conversation. Now remember .. She is sixteen, so the rolling eyes, slamming doors, and mood swings are apart of that age. Don't take everything personal, but do make sure to get to the bottom of the rotten treatment she gives you. Let her talk, don't interject with defense or "motherly advice". Just listen to what she has to say and ask questions if you need to know more. That may help break the ice. If she feels that she's being heard and possibly understood it might help you two bond.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:01 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • She apparently has not been taught respect during her formative years, and it is highly unlikely that she will learn it from you at 16. What you can do is draw some boundaries as to what you will and will not tolerate from her, and then make there be some consequences for her behavior. For instance, if you are expected to drive her somewhere, and she has just recently slammed a car door or rolled her eyes, you can refuse to drive her and you can tell her why you are refusing to drive her. She is behaving like an untrained child, and how you treat a child is how you should treat her. You do not reward bad behavior. That teaches her absolutely nothing. You can't make the rules because that's her dad's job, but you can certainly not allow yourself to be disrespected and then turn around and reward her for doing so. If she throws a fit, as she surely will, then you can leave the room or the house, and let her throw it!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:05 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Being 16 once with a step mom and a dad who did nothing but say give her what she wants well what she wants is u to keep giving her what she wants and leave her alone the rest of the time! (po) from being there
    myboysRmyhero

    Answer by myboysRmyhero at 11:12 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • You can't control her behavior, but you can control yours. If she is disrespectful in any way, then don't do things for her. Don't give her rides, don't buy her things, etc.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:28 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Just give her space you have a lot of years in front of u and just make sure she knows your there for her but that's all u can do I didn't want anything to with my parental when I was 16 don't worry just give it time
    enaNianza

    Answer by enaNianza at 11:52 AM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Is she close to anyone else in the family? Maybe you can talk to them to come up with some solutions.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 12:09 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I know exactly what you're talking about because I was in the same boat as you a few years ago. My sd acted the same way as you described. My sd only cared about what she can get from us and nothing more. She refused to have a relationship with us, she refused to go on family vacations with us. She pratically refused anything that wasn't related to her getting what she wanted. After a few years of this, I had had enough and sat her down and we had a long talk. I explained to her some things and she explained to me some things and after our talk, nothing changed with her. I had to give up because after all, her upbringing was totally different to what I'm use to. She was allowed to do whatever she wanted to do without anyone giving it a second thought or helping her to make the right decisions. I haven't totally given up on her because afterall she's only 17. I'm stepping back though to allow her to open her eyes. GL
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:26 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • It might only be a teen being a teen. Most teens are like that. Soon she will grow out of it and love and respect you for being there for her when her mom couldn't.
    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 10:09 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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