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Anyone have a teen who "cuts?"

My daughter told me that she cut her arm on purpose last Mon, last Friday, and again at school yesterday. Her father left us a year ago and has had almost no time for her and plays head games with her . She is taking a medication for severe depression, has missed a lot of school over this, and has friends who are also going though a lot, and two of them "cut." I would have never wanted any of this for my daughter. She has promised tyo stop, because she knows how much it hurts me...I love her so much; she is my life and my primary focus(one of the reasons the has-been left was that I was being a mom and couldn't baby him the way he was used to.) So far I've been loving and understanding about this, but what if she continues to do it? Should I let her still see the girls who cut? Should I tell the school? The parents of the other girls? She will feel I betrayed her trust...

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abusedmom

Asked by abusedmom at 12:10 AM on Nov. 26, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (-3 Credits)
Answers (30)
  • try not to let her hang out with the other girls that cut! have a talk with her hang out with her more some mom daughter time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I am a former teen cutter and I will tell you from personal experience that friends do influence you to cut more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • so true Answered at 12:27 AM on Nov. 26, 2008 by: Anonymous
    also..more time with her will help..my mom was't aroud so started it...
    mama2twins07

    Answer by mama2twins07 at 12:29 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I dont think taking her away from her friends would be the best thing at this point-that is where she is comfortable. I think the best thing for you to do is sit down with her couselor at school and discuss what is going on. Those other girls need just as much help as your daughter and the counselor can help them get it. They are probably not as honest with their parents as your duaghter was with you. You also need to look into some behavioral therapy for your daughter. She may say that she will stop cutting but, and I know this from experience, she wont-not without counseling and help. Something will trigger her and she will revert to the only coping method she knows. good luck!
    Tricia19

    Answer by Tricia19 at 12:30 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I definitely think that if friends she is spending time with are cutting or doing something else that is harmful to self it could influence what she decides to do herself. More often then not, self harm is a call for attention. Talk to your daughter. Express your concern. Maybe she just needs someone there for her and by telling you, she is asking for your help. Communication is key! Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • My ten yr. old son is going through the same thing but with anger. His BD hasn't been around since he was 18 mo. old. I would get her into a psychiatric facility where she'll get more intensive treatment. I would absolutely tell the other parents. She may be upset with you at first, but it will pass. Keep supporting her and reassuring her that you're not leaving her as it sounds like she has some trust and abandonment issues. Keep the line of communication open and reinforce to her she can come to with anything when she needs to. I'm sure that with the right intervention plan, your (and outside) support and time will get her back on track. The most important thing is to not give up. I know you won't but sometimes when we are in these situations, it seems easier than to keep trying to get to the root of the problem. Hang in there, you'll get through this TOGETHER. I'll say a prayer for the two of you.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:39 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Thank you all for your input! We do go to counseling together, and spend most of every day together....She is deeply into anime and graphic novels, which are a complete fantasy world for her, and that also concerns me. It keeps her from dealing with the anger towards her dad, which she's only starting to talk to me about, but is not ready to confront him about. I 've asked her to start a journal of her feelings, or to just write them out even if no-one reads it(if she's not ready to share.) Just to get those pent-up angry feelings out of her system...and to prepare to confront him(which I believe will do her a world of good.) I'm greatful for any advice you guys can offer...Thanks!!!
    abusedmom

    Answer by abusedmom at 12:45 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I was a severe cutter and none of my friends even knew. there are two different cutters. The first do it solely to release emotional pain, the blood coming out essentially releases it so to speak. The other do it as a call for help. I would say that if your daughter has friends that do it and they talk to each other about it then it is a cry for help. If she has already been diagnosed for depression and is on meds then she also needs to be in counseling. It says so on all anti depressants for teens under 18 to be in counseling while on meds. (I was a part of the statistics that created the warning )


     

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • conti

    Eventually my mom saw a couple of my cuts and I told I would stop too. I was severely depressed and on meds, so my mom made me go to the school counselor any. To be frank he sucked at his job. I just told the idiot what he wanted to hear and was done. So seek someone other then the school counselor. This something that needs to be taken seriously. Talk to the counselor first about this but I think you should inform the other girls parents. They need to know to help them and in tern will help your daughter. I think you should talk to the counselor first because he could think (depending on you daughter) that it could do more harm. Sorry this is so long but because I had such trouble during those years I am going to school to be a counselor only for teen girls. Good luck!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • i was a teen cutter and at least you care enough to get your daughter help. i started at 14 and all my mom told me was to not let anybody see and to act happy. i was sad that my mom didnt help and it made it worse . the school called her one day because my friend was worried about me and she was forced to hospitalize me aka mental hospital. they put me on meds and sent me to counseling with her and to see a shrink by myself. im glad i at least had a friend who cared enough. i eventually stopped a yr later . but i started popping pills i had alot of emotional problems . goodluck with your daughter. i wish my mom had cared this much.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

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