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2 Bumps

He told her that he'll do it for a kiss...?

My DD came back from spending time with her father, my XH. He's a smoker and she asked him to quit. He told her that if I give him 1 kiss he'll quit. She's 4 years old. She's very upset with me because I told her no so now she's saying that because of me her dad is going to smoke and die. And I WILL NOT kiss him even to prove to her that I have nothing to do with his choices. I'm angry because he's teaching her that others are responsible for your poor choices not you and that's the opposite of what I preach every single day! He's always been this way! When we were dating he didn't need to drink because I was his "drug of choice" then when we were having problems he was abusing rx pills and drinking because of me! I don't know what to do or say.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • kiss her and tell her to give THAT kiss to her daddy. play the pass it on game.. you kissed her and now she kisses daddy with the kiss you just kissed her.. he can't argue.. win child fights with child
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:43 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • That would piss me off too! What a slimy way to put it on you. Have you talked to him about this incident? Of course, if this is a pattern of behavior, it may not do much good. I hope you guys figure this one out! Hugs!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:43 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Wow, that is about as self serving and manipulative as it gets. I'd be tempted to tell her that if he loved her he'd quit so that he'd be around to be HER father, but I'm afraid that is just as manipulative.

    Four is pretty young to understand, and he is definitely using her for his purposes. If you can talk to him, and tell him what he's done to her, I would, but if not, is there another adult she trusts that might help her to see that you can't do this?

    Either way, as she gets older, she will understand that he has been manipulative, and that what he did was wrong.

    I'm so sorry.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:44 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Have you confronted him say shame on you tell your daughter the truth. He is using how she feels to get to you . I would confront him before it gets worse.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:45 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I like the first response.

    He is being a jerk.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 12:47 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Zoejains momma had a GREAT idea!! Very creative!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:49 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I did and he just laughed. He doesn't see it that way a logical person see's it. He's done this his entire life with everything.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:51 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • What a jerk for putting your daughter in the middle.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 12:52 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • go with the first response and see where it goes
    diana398

    Answer by diana398 at 12:58 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I agree with zoejains repsonse.
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 1:04 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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