Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

What am I doing....?????

So, I just turned 30.My husband and I have 3 children. Typical life I guess, and I am pretty much content. My husband and I do have a few relationship issues though. I feel kind of neglected. We are definitely lacking a lot of the things I would like to have better. We but heads, and honestly, I’m going through a weird stage in my life. So, I somehow started chatting with an old fling on facebook. We have our little flirty chats, he reminds me of how “hot” I am…lol…and how much he enjoyed our times together in the past. We are both married now, and neither of us would consider an affair, and compromise our families, however, I’m wondering if I am really playing with fire here, or is the esteem building comments I’m eating up from this ex no big deal? Morally speaking, I know wrong is wrong. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has had this same experience, and what came of it? Thanks!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • If you caught your husband doing that you'd freak the hell out! I think you're being very very disrespectful to your marriage right now.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:04 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • think about it as if this were your DH doing it.. how would you react to it? I personally would consider that emotional cheating.. yeah its nice to get a self esteem boost but constantly from the same person... fire and gas.. keep it friendly but be careful.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 1:05 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Well its not to good u know but I understand what your talking about I feel neglected every day of my life its hard not to listen to men when they will give you the time of day what your husband wont. I think its normal to feel this way after being marry. I think you may what to talk to your hubby my won't even listen if I bring something like this up but maybe your will
    enaNianza

    Answer by enaNianza at 1:08 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I'll share something I have learned (the hard way to be perfectly honest) during my near 26 years of marriage.

    If you are feeling neglected, if you are feeling something is lacking/missing in your relationship. Then your husband most likely is too. Reaching out to others (which is what you are doing right now) to help fill those needs will lead to more trouble than it's really worth.. Think this way, what if your husband was reaching out to another woman to fill some need he felt you weren't meeting? Would that hurt you? Would it be a betrayal?

    If there are issues in your marriage, if there are needs not being met. Then it's time for some serious open honest safe communication between you and your husband. It's also time to lay everything on the table (big and small) and start working together to address and rectify them. THIS is the only way your marriage will improve/get better.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:09 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I consider what your doing emotional cheating..which is I believe 10x worse than physical cheating. How would you feel if your husband did this to you? Your def. playing with fire..because later on it may turn into something else.

    if you need that kind of attention look to your husband for it not someone else.

    sit your husband down and tell him how your feeling. Maybe even try showing him some affection and such..and he'll probaly start doing it back. baby steps..and you cant always just expect a man to know what to do or to read your mind. Show him what you need from him.
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 1:09 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I've done this exact same thing. I know you probably have NO intention of following thru with any flirtations or actually meeting up just for coffee or anything else for that matter. It just feels GOOD to hear those things your SO doesn't bother to say to you or about you anymore. I almost lost my marriage over myspace cuz he just couldn't understand why the flirty convo if I didn't have intentions behind it. Needless to say I cut off my friend of 15 years (which I will never heal from) and closed the account. This is the only website I feel I can be a member of without any concern from him.
    KoolMom617

    Answer by KoolMom617 at 1:12 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • It is wrong..I think you should put an end to it and instead put that energy and attention into making sure that your husband should feel loved and wanted and see how he reacts.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 1:13 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • If you couldn't say the things you say to your friend in front of your hubby, then you know it's playing with fire.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:14 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • You're playing with fire and girl, you're gonna get burned if you don't stop now. My DH did the same thing at one point - it hurts like hell! Sounds like the "7-year-itch" to me. But seriously, some people consider what you're doing to be cheating - and since it's happened to me, I can tell you if you don't stop now, life as you know it is going to seriously suck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • When you have problems in your marriage you should focus on trying to do your part in fixing them not turn to another man.You are now allowing and encouraging this other man to give you emotionally what your husband hasn't been.That is serious.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 1:22 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.