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Where do i start?

My SO and i just had a fight and he said that i should go and find what makes me happy. This is a subject that we have argued about for so long and he has said this b4 and later claimed to only have said it out of anger, but now i want to go and find what makes me happier, i feel that he dosent want to put the effort so where do i start, we have a 5 month old , the holidays are coming what do i do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Nov. 26, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Start by asking yourself and thouroughly thinking about it what is it that you actually want? What would make you happy?
    Married2theBest

    Answer by Married2theBest at 1:40 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • If you have a child together I'd say you start with couseling...Maybe its stress on both parts and miscommunication. You'll get a clearer idea of where your both at if you sit down and talk about it ...without anger.
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 1:42 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I mean counciling...is that right ...I can't spell
    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 1:44 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Find what makes you happy...what does make you happy? Maybe you could stay with a family member or friend and take some time away from each other. If you are married get counselling and don't give up on each other. There's a reason you are together in the first place. What do you both fight about? Is it stupid stuff, money? Money is a big one right now but ask yourself...if money or "whatever your fighting about" wasn't an issue would I still feel this way? If the answer is yes, move on and try to find someone to help you.

    britni11

    Answer by britni11 at 1:44 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • If you truely arent happy and he is not making an effort to try then I would do what is best for you and your daughter. She is 5 months old and wont realize what the holidays are truely till next year.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • That is a cop out used by men who don't know how to communicate. If you want him, tell him you want him and that you need him to communicate with you. He may not know how, and you may think you are communicating with him but you are not. Get "THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES". It is an awesome book that teaches how different people show love. Good luck.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 1:50 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • My hubby says that every time we argue. But, in reality, we are actually a strong couple. It's true..they don't know how to articulate what they are feeling and so the easiest thing to say (to get the woman to "shut up") is "Why don't you just leave?" It's not necessarily a request, it's his way of saying "I don't know what the hell you want". So, to answer your ques: As long as there is no issue of voilence, then I too would suggest counseling or for a quicker "fix" you can try to write down exactly what he says to you and how it makes you feel, and that you DON'T want to end your marriage (I assume you don't really want to end it?) Leave it where he will find it when you are not around. Men's brains need time to process info and being able to read it and think about it, might work a little better then being face to face.
    Raegy

    Answer by Raegy at 2:26 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Well, what does make you happy? So often, we all tend to forget or think we shouldn't need things to keep us happy after we have children. I went through this when I quit work to stay home. I thought there were some hobbies that I would like and you know what? I sucked at them! So I had to try new things and I've found a few. What I'm also saying is hobbies give us a break, time away from the kids, from the SO's, from our everyday stresses and that makes everything else seem so much easier to deal with. So, try a few new things, and talk to the SO about what you are doing, so he can support you and give you that little break. Just one other thing, don't break the bank trying all these new things, that will just cause more stress! Good luck!
    chillemi78

    Answer by chillemi78 at 8:51 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • You don't mention WHY he says that...what's the context around it?
    Sometimes people look to others in their lives to make them happy. That never works....for sooner or later that someone will disappoint you. They are only human and it's a terrible burden to place on them.
    Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. It's a choice. There are very poor, very ill people who are full of joy because they are grateful what they DO have and they CHOOSE joy. You can't change anyone else's behaviour...only yours. and by changing yours positively, you will ultimately have an effect on your SO's. Wishing you luck and JOY.
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 9:31 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

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