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Is There something wrong with me

My kids are two years apart, both in diapers and can be a handful. I am no longer with their father, I work full time and hire a baby sitter when they are not in pre-school. I am concerned because, although I have never raised a hand to my kids, I do get angry and sometimes have random violent thoughts. Like last night my three year old wanted me to carry him up the stairs to his bed but my back hurt and I told him to walk up and he started screaming and threw himself on the floor and had a temper tantrum. Suddenly I wanted to grab him by the back of his shirt and fling him up the steps as hard as I could, I had to stop myself and tell my self that I love my son, don't want to hurt him and that is not normal, sane behavior. So then I picked him up, back still hurting, and carried him to his bed and tucked him in, kissing him night night and telling him I loved him. Is it normal to have thoughts like this or is this a sign that I need my kids taken away asap and maybe I should be locked up in a mental ward or something? Do I deserve kids when I think such horrible thoughts? I think that I am mean wicked evil person...why would anyone think of doing something like that to their child!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (11)
  • I am sure you are not evil, but it is time for a Pych Evaluation. Talk to your GP about a referal.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 2:12 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • As long as you NEVER act on your feelings, I think you are a normal human being. Like when someone on the road cuts you off & almost causes you to get into an accident, you want to run them off the road or worse, but you DONT DO IT because you know better. Try & get some more time for yourself, maybe a hobby or yoga once a week. They offer free programs at Libraries in the evening. Ask your sitter to stay an hour or two longer. GL :)
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:14 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I think you are stressed and need help. No it doesn't mean you are a bad mom and need them taken away unless thats what you want.
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 2:14 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • You sound overwhelmed.  Please make an appt to speak with a professional.  No one here can help you, although venting is good.  There might be a free social services crisis line in your area.  Use it.  We wouldn't be human if we didn't have crazy thoughts at times, but when they are violent, then it's time to seek help.  I think you will feel better if you did.  Also a support group for single moms might be an idea.  Goodluck :)

    CookieMom108

    Answer by CookieMom108 at 2:15 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I don't want to lose my kids..I love them more than anything. I do see a therapist and am on depression meds, anxiety meds and have been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Social anxiety, major depressive disorder and OCD. I ahvn't said anything about this to my doctor or my therapist because I am afraid that they would call children's services and have the kids taken away. I just wasn't sure if these thoughts were due to my "issues" or do other moms who are stressed to the max and depressed have similar thoughts and don't act on them.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:19 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I don't think you are a bad mean or evil person. I think you have a lot on your plate and get frustrated like any other parent out there. I have had my share of thoughts and actually and very sadly, have acted on one and I cried after- I flung my son on his bed after an all night wake fest fit session.. and I am ON Anti-depressants and deal with anxiety.. I think sometimes it just hard being a parent and we dont' always say and do the right things.. but we need to learn from every mistake and feeling and action. Good Luck Mommy.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:21 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I think every mom has those thoughts at one point or another when a day has been particularly stressful or you're not feeling well and the kids try to take advantage. I know I've wanted to smack my son once or twice but I never did. And that's the important thing. Having those thoughts out of frustration is normal. What's not normal is acting on them. As long as you don't act on them and physically harm your kids you are not a terrible person. But I think it's time mommy gets some time to herself. See if any relative is willing to let them sleepover one night or watch them for a few hours to give yourself some time to kick back and relax or go out with your friends. You need to unwind. It's okay to take a break from the kids once in awhile as long as you're not dumping them off all the time. GL mama. :)
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 2:26 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • you are not a bad mom. it seems that you are doing what you can for yourself and YOU HAVE NOT ACTED ON THEM. thats important. Count to ten. if you are still angry after 10 seconds then you really have to think about getting a relative in your home full time to help, especially if you think it is more than just stress.
    nonni2

    Answer by nonni2 at 2:27 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • If you are on medication for depression or anxiety these violent thoughts might be a side effect. It sounds most to me that you are just stressed out. I have had a few Mommy meltdowns which are mostly yelling and perhaps holding him a little too hard, but I certainly feel for you. I would discuss this all with whoever perscribes your meds. I would also come up with a game plan in your head about what you are going to do the next time you feel this frustrated--something simple like making the kids sit on the couch and closing the bathroom door and drinking a glass of water.. or lighting a candle. Its not always easy to get a break, especially for a single Mom I know but sounds like you need to find a way to create your own time out, an extra hour a week with the sitter to run errands, ,go to church (or a fitness club) where they provide babysitting for kids while you are there
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 2:31 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Hotelmom may be right, thesse may be side effects from the meds u r on. Do a little research yourself about the meds u take & the side effects. But if ur thoughts continue, u really should tell ur therapist. Maybe u can just take a break from the kids for a week or so, do u have family that can take them on so u can relax & focus on yourself & getting some extra help for you. We all ahve waxky moments when we r stressed from their behavior. they cant control their behavior but you should be able to control yours. Good luck. Try the walk away method. He would have gotten up & followed u.
    deniselvt

    Answer by deniselvt at 6:15 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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