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NEW TO real relationship

how can u tell when the puppy dog stage of a relationship is over and the real thing is emerging?
how long does that usually take?

do u believe that a guy should be the first to say i love you? and y is it that after that initial statement they dont feel like saying it again? or u say it and there really isnt a response and they have already said? it
im 30 and this is the first time i have really felt like i was in love with someone.. any other tips about love is helpful..but would like it from seasoned couples.

last nite he said he def loves me but he thinks i maybe in love more--is this leading to heartbreak? should i get out now to avoid heartache or nurture more to see if its promising???


Answer Question

Asked by bethany0199 at 2:24 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (294 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • puppy love was over with real quick for me and DH because of our first child being born. so it probably lasted about a year or so for us. then we got married and we definitely didn't have time for a the newly-wed stuff.
    he was the first one to say it. I was kind of like "ok" and he continues to say it every now and then and I still have the same response.
    your guy will come around when he feels comfortable. just give him time.

    Answer by febmom007 at 2:28 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • so its normal to get it once then sporadically after...i think we women expect it to be a daily thing once that initial one is said...

    Comment by bethany0199 (original poster) at 2:33 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • There is no time table. I do believe that the guy should lead the way, that he should be the aggressor, and I think you just know when you've found that one right person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. The bonding stage can happen pretty quickly or it can take a very long time. The important thing is to get to know a person on a level that exposes true character. Anybody can fake it for a period of time, but it is important to observe behavior in a variety of circumstances and situations. You also should look at how he treats his mother and his sisters. Look for any kind of addictions. Look at his work ethic. What are his views on parenting? How well does he manage his money? Remember, you are looking for a mate for life, and it needs to be based on more than loving feelings and emotional and physical attraction. If you look at the whole man, you will know whether or not he is the one!

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:33 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Agree no set time table. I REALLY took my time with my SO this time because I had been in such shitty relationships and this really felt like THE real thing for me - so I was cautious and took my time. I allowed him to be the pursuer and was going to let him be the one to say I love you first. Again, I agree with Nanny ANYONE can fake it (i.e. my 2nd marriage) so don't ignore little red flags. Keeping this positive I can tell you after over 5 years I still feel pupply love quite frequently, I feel blessed every day that I wake up next to this wonderful man who loves me with all my faults. Don't be clingy or expect him to call you 5 times a day, how is his relationship with mother? If he's a mamas boy (beware) but if he is respectful of her but separate then that is a positive sign. Do you want the same things? (kids, marriage?) We tell each other we love each other every single day, several times a day.....continued

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 2:39 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • but he shows me in word and deed. I'm lucky and some guys just aren't that expressive - but most importantly he SHOWS me by doing what he says he will do, always letting me know I am a priority for him. Just relax and enjoy this feeling, check yourself to make sure you ARE seeing any red flag signs and be honest with the woman in the mirror above all else. Listen to that little voice ALWAYS and before you go to make a "psycho needy chic" move - save it, think about it before you do it. it's easy to get all tied up over love and get a little crazy clingy at times. BE HAPPY! good luck

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 2:42 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • his mother was shot and killed by his father--his aunt recently posted a pic on fb and he didnt know which was his mom..he has deep trust issues [but so do i]
    hes expressed to me about how hes very cautious with love due to past relationships. so when he told me this i was shocked and felt honored that he could express himself like this. i personally have some mental conditions myself and he is strong for me when i go thru a mental up or down. he also has his vulnerable moments. we both have kids and he helps me with my son tremendously

    Comment by bethany0199 (original poster) at 2:52 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • There is no time table. I don't believe that a man HAS to say I love you first, but my SO did say it first. Most of the time, he still says it first. We say it at least once a day to each other. I always tell him I love him too, and he responds if I say it first. And I do still get that puppy love feeling about him sometimes.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 4:40 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I am 35 and dating and I find it difficult as I don't know what is right for my age or not. ....kind of like in highschool you know you're young and well some of us are....hahaha. anyway, but now as an adult I catch myself thinking about the same things you think about...who should say I love you it too early for S_X, etc... I found this site called and you can ask questions to the MEN and WOMEN on whatever you want to know. I like it cause I get to get the point of view of men! that's what I need. My advise is to follow your heart but also see your partners actions! meaning if you say I love you and he seems to freak out...don't say it again until you feel he is more comfortable in the relationship. :) best wishes

    Answer by paolajavier at 1:07 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

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