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2 Bumps

I'm scared to ask my Daddy to give me away at my wedding?

I was adopted at age 5. I've lived with my adoptive parents since I was 6 month old though. They are my parents! We were raised very religious, went to a mennonite church. Wore dresses, no makeup, the whole shebang....I left the church and home when I was 17. Went out, did my thing, moved in with a guy, really hurt my parents etc. In the last few years the fiancee I've been with now, has met my parents, come around, we now have a baby etc. And they've really lighted up. But, I tend to judge them based off on the way I was raised & statements made around me. for example my Daddy used to say he wouldn't give us away if they man didn't profess to be a Christian, or if he was divorced (being the church doesn't believe in d. and remarriage) they also made harsher statements like if people weren't married they wouldn't be "welcome in their house"..in other words they don't condone fornication, but wouldn't even allowed unmarried couples to spend then night in their house together, same room etc. since then whenever we go to visit them, we get a hotel, as to not put them in an awkward situation and so it's never brought to question. They treat my fiancee very nicely and absolutly love our son.

My fiancee or I are not professing Christians, but as I stated, my parents have come around. have stated they will come to the wedding and want to be in our lives even if we aren't "Christians". I lived a little "wild" for a few years, after leaving home. But have managed to stay in this relationship for 3 years now and our wedding is being planned for December 2012. I really want my Daddy to give me away, it'd be perfect..but I'm scared to ask because things have been going so good and if he says no, it'll really break my heart, and I've worked so hard lately to get them back in my life. Should I have my fiancee ask him to give me away? Or should I ask my Daddy myself, telling him how much it'd mean to me? I know I can't "have it all"..but I'd really, really want this. Perhaps, I should just be glad they want to come to my wedding and settle with that. But it'd almost be hurtful to me, if my Daddy was sitting in the crowd, yet not giving me away...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I would just ask, I think you should do it rather than your fiance. Asking to give you away is different than your fiance asking for your father's blessing before proposing or something. Just don't be crushed if he says no and don't let it ruin all of the progress you have made with your parents. If your dad says no then it will hurt but try and respect that he has a great conflict between the things that he sees as right and the things you have chosen in your life. That doesn't make you wrong at all, but clearly he has made a lot of concessions in order to mend your relationship. If he can't be ok giving you away then try to be glad that they will come, that they are in your child's life and yours, that they treat your fiance well. Everyone has a line that they can not cross but it seems his has moved over time and maybe he will surprise you and walk you down the aisle. You don't know if you don't ask. Good luck to you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:09 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • ask.. worse he can say is no. just ask with no reasoning or begging. just tell him it would mean a lot if he would give you away officially on your wedding day.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 3:56 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • You should ask him, sounds like you've done a great job accepting each other's differences this far! If you ask now and for some crazy reason he declines, you have until 2012 to work it out :) gl
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 3:58 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I think you should ask him. Maybe prepare yourself for the worst but give him the chance. Tell him you respect his beliefs and dont' want to put him in an awkward position but you are making you life right, you havent always made the right decision but marriage is the right decision and you would be honored if he would walk you down the aisle. If he says he cant then tell him it hurts but you understand and you are happy they will be there. Maybe then you and your fiance could walk down the aisle together?
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:00 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • i tell him that you want your day to be right and it would not be right if your fatherdid not gave you away
    exsplane to him how much it would mean to you and your husband
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 4:02 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I'm sure your dad will give you away if you ask. If you are scared, send him a letter with all the info in it. If they are true Christians then they have forgiven you for your "wild" period.. You are his daughter and I am sure if they are a part of your life as well as the fiancee and the baby, he will do it with honor :)

    On the other hand, if he doesn't give you away, it will not be the end of the world.. My dad refused to come to my wedding and almost 20 years later he regrets it to this day.. Yes, hubby and I are still together.. I don't hold it against my dad, it was his choice and he has to live with it.. FYI, he thought I was making a mistake and would not be a part of it.. Boy was he wrong :) My dad and my DH have always gotten along great, they co camping, fishing, hunting etc together but at that time, he didn't give him a chance.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 4:06 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I think you should ask him--for all you know, he has either forgotten that he said he wouldn't give you away or has changed his mind, and if you DIDN'T ask, he would be really hurt.
    bethany169

    Answer by bethany169 at 4:06 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • If your parent come around and want to be part of your life as it is now, I'm sure your dad would walk you down the isle... Your still his little girl!
    monshine2

    Answer by monshine2 at 4:21 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • my parents said all kinds of things when I was growing up, and they barely remember a word of it. they are nice to the man you'll marry, love your son and want to be at the wedding.
    if your dad says no to giving you away, he says no.
    but I would be kind of surprised if he did. He may just be waiting for you to ask him!

    be prepared for any answer, but if you don't ask him you'll probably regret it.
    just ask and tell him how much it means to you! good luck!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:41 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • The man i have now as dad, has told and keeps telling me you are my child and i may not like what you have done, been when it comes the time you need me i will be there. And my dad walked me down the aisle in july
    Manda725

    Answer by Manda725 at 5:43 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

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