Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Am I really THAT unusual? adult content

Seems like all the time I read about women and men trying to brush off children. I hear about women who are living with a man, and trying to figure out how to get his 'difficult' child out of their lives since they child may be a bad influence on the children that she plans to have in the future. Being as the birth mom is a drug addict.

Now I'm reading posts about a woman whose husband got a call that he has a child that he didn't know about, and it seems that the father and his now wife want to turn their back on the child!

I can't understand this at all! this is a child who needs loving adults! If I was stepmom to the child whose mom is a drug abuser, I wouldn't be fighting to get this child out of my life, I'd want DH to fight for custody!

When I was engaged to DH, I found out that his ex gf had a child. I asked if he was sure it wasn't his. He was, he hadn't seen her at all from over a year before the child was born. In truth, I was disappointed. She's a wonderful little girl. I would have loved to have made her a addition to the family extended or otherwise.

I am the 'auntie' to so many kids, when I see a kid my reaction is to be there for them, I can't understand the desire to turn your back on a child. A child is a child, brought into the world by the actions of a adult. Planned or not, why do so many adults want to brush off that responsibility?

So are there others out there or am I really that strange?

Sorry, but I just don't understand.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • I agree with you. If you KNOW the man has kids and you don't want them around, then DON'T DATE HIM!! Very simple solution.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 5:27 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I don't get it either. Some women are just selfish and seem to think that only their genitals can put out gold.

    Answer by meandrphoto at 5:29 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I know how stressful it is to have a SS who is difficult and causes problems in the family. I won't lie there are times that I really can't stand having him around. But ultimately I got into this relationship knowing he had a son and it was a package deal. I'm not sure how I would feel about it if I were with a man and he then found out he had a child. Thats tough

    Answer by kayslay at 5:29 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I don't understand either.

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 5:29 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • In my experience, people want to turn their back on the kid to punish the other adult or to pretend the other adult doesn't exist so they won't have to interact with them. I would love to ignore the existence of my oldest childs father because he's difficult and selfish, but I can't! Without him, there never would have been a her. Could I ever ignore her to not have to deal with him (if she lived with him; she doesn't)? Oh hell no!

    I don't understand either.

    Answer by silversmom at 5:30 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • difficult I can understand, but I don't understand people wanting to just turn their backs entirely. So all you can, but to want to do NOTHING?
    I don't understand that.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:31 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • If we are talking about the same post - it wasn't that he would do nothing - it was talking about her fears of what happened in a previous situation and now it is happening to her again - so this was her initial response to finding out about this........which is completely normal. I'm not sure why you wouldn't understand that?

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 5:40 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • "I'm not sure why you wouldn't understand that? " oh I did. I'm talking about statements like this: . He doesn't want to take on this child if it is his, especially since he just found out now after five years

    or why would someone do this to a man?how is letting a man know that he has a child doing a number on him? That baby didn't create him/herself!  


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:48 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I dont get it either hun. When DH and I were dating, before we got married, we broke up and while we were broken up he got another girl pregnant. I knew this when we got back together, and although it was tough I got over it. The way I see it, I love my husband with everything I have, and she (my step daughter) is a part of him. So I love her too. I have been around her since she was born, so its like she is one of my children. She calls me Mommy Randa and everything. I have a good relationship with her and her mom, because I respect the fact that she is her true mother, and I dont over step my boundaries. But even if we didnt have a good relationship, I dont see how turning my back on my step daughter would make anything better. I would be keeping her and DH from each other, as well as keeping my son and daughter away from their big sister. I cant imagine not having her in our lives. When she is gone, I feel like a piece of..

    Answer by merandaobrien at 5:50 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • From where I sit now I can agree with you. That I wouldn't turn my back on a child.
    However, every situation is different and we can blindly judge now, but we can't say honestly what we'd do in that situation.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:53 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.