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A question for stay at home moms...

So your husband works and you stay home with the kids. Do you still expect your husband to participate in household duties or do you think since he works he should have very little at home duties? Also, do you feel that he takes you seriously..regarding stress or the need of a break...or do you get the feeling he thinks you live the easy life and he just doesn' t "get" you?

I just wonder if it's me or if others feel this way....Thank you!


Asked by khedy at 11:08 PM on Mar. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 20 (8,517 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • The way my fiance and I have things "set-up" is that I handle everything inside the home, including laundry and cleaning and all that...but he cuts the grass, shovels the driveway, and takes the garbage out. Those are things that I feel are a "man's job" regardless if he's working a "real" job or not. Not to mention those things (besides taking the garbage out) would be nearly impossible for me to do with a 19 month old. Everything else though, I take care of. Would he or I be opposed to him maybe helping with the dishes one night? Absolutely not. The thing is that once he's off work, he's off. I, however, am never off. He understands that and will give me a break if I want one. He does help alot with our son though once he gets home. That's one thing that I don't feel needs to be only MY responsibility 24/7. It is OUR child and he needs to spend time and contribute to raising him as well. Having a job or not.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • My DH takes care of many household duties, despite me being home. He enjoys it. Afterall it is OUR HOME, so we both want to take care of it.

    Answer by KairisMama at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I do not expect my husband to do anything once he gets home. I appreciate it when he takes out the trash but I try to undertake all the household chores so once he gets home it is all about family time. My husband certainly respect what I do and often tells me that he would never want to trade places with me. In our house we each have our role and I appreciate him for being the bread winner and providing for us and I show him that by keeping the house just right. Once in awhile he will push me out the door without the kids and tell me to take a break.

    Answer by Melbornj at 11:11 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I used to...but that tone changed real quick when I said he either needed to step up or get out. He helps now a lot mainly with our daughter so I CAN get things done...I don't expect him to do household chores but he does need to help out with DD. Period. Whether he works or not, it's his daughter too. One day I was at lunch with my mom and I get a text from him saying "wow, 30 minutes alone with her and I have a new found respect for you..this is hard!!" I still have that text saved on my phone. :) He does appreciate what I go through...but it took a while for him to get. YOu're not alone.

    Answer by calliesmommie at 11:12 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • Well, I don't expect him to do much around the house, but he works a lot. Plus, I can handle it and don't really need help, though sometimes it would be nice. As for taking me seriously...kinda. I think he thinks get gets it, but I don't think he does. All he knows is that I go shopping all the time and that I spend the day with our son and clean the house. I don't think he realizes how much that can entail. all honesty, I do have it pretty good. I really can't complain.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 11:12 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • When our boys were very young, there was a time that my husband seemed to think I had it easy.....then he was laid off for a few months, and he saw how hard I worked, in fact, after that, he always said my job was much harder than his was.

    I have never expected him to do housekeeping chores, I do the laundry, cleaning, shopping, cooking, bills, kid stuff, etc. (although now our kids are grown) However in addition to working he has always done all of the home repair and maintenance, auto repair and maintenance, keeps the car gassed up, does all of the yard work. I feel that we both work equally hard, and I know he respects me. We've been married 22 years.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:15 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I do expect him to help out, but not with major things like cleaning the whole house. He takes out the trash when I can't get the bag out, he empties the litter box sometimes, he sweeps and mops the floors when they need a good scrub, and he cleans our bedroom sometimes because most of the crap that accumulates in there is his. I don't ask him to do much because he does work and told me I can put off getting a job until I finish college because I supported our family on minimum wage pay working my butt off for a long time, and now he has an easy job with good pay. If he had a hard job, I probably wouldn't ask him to do anything. He does realize how hard I have it because he's been a SAHD, but he wasn't in college at the time like I am. He's lazy (his word), so I really have to gripe sometimes to get him to help at all, but usually I don't even bother.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • So your husband works and you stay home with the kids. Do you still expect your husband to participate in household duties or do you think since he works he should have very little at home duties? Also, do you feel that he takes you seriously..regarding stress or the need of a break...or do you get the feeling he thinks you live the easy life and he just doesn' t "get" you?

    No I do not expect him to help out with the duties but I would like for him to help in keeping the cleanliness maintained.

    Answer by ptomom678 at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I have an in-home daycare but I am still home all day with the kids so I think I can answer this. As far as household duties, my dh does very little. He takes out the trash and he (most of the time) picks up after himself. If I get far behind in the laundry he will gladly stay in the basement, play rock band and get it caught up for me :) He also plays with the kids when he gets home so I can finish up dinner and he stays home with the kids when they are sleeping so I can go grocery shopping alone. As far as stress and me needing a break - I have to tell him. He doesn't think about it. Sometimes I get to the point where I need to get some "me" time and I just tell him that the next night or whenever I will be leaving and will be back in a couple of hours. He knows my job isn't easy. His mom was a sahm and she homeschooled so he knows there is a lot to be done here.

    Answer by JamieLK at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2011

  • I don't really expect him to do a whole lot around the house but he does have a few small chores...mowing the lawn, taking the garbage down the curb, things like that. But mostly I think that since he works things should already be done when he gets home.
    I know that he takes any time that I'm stressed out seriously, he's not one of those guys that thinks that just because I'm home I'm sitting on my bum all day, he knows exactly what I do all day when he leaves in the morning and the house looks like a tornado went through it and he comes home to it spick and span clean lol. He's a good man and he tells me all the time how much he appreciates everything that I do for him. Feels good to be appreciated =)

    Answer by Lucky209 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 23, 2011