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2 Bumps

Is my husband a blamer or am i really always at fault?

I get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong, no matter how hard i try to do the right thing, my husband always ends up getting so upset that his is not sure he can deal with me anymore. he has had me read self help books as he thinks its all just me, i read one called love and respect and really have tried hard to do my part, i wouldnt finish the book bc he feels its not him, its me. he wont go to a counselor as hes not willing to pay someone just for there opinion about us. We have both messed up in the past, me once with an affair and him once with trying to take someone to a hotel and then again with him talking to another girl he met at a bar, but he swears hes never actually done anything and i have no proof he has, however when he found out i was talking to someone i told him i had been with that person once so he is always able to hold that over my head bc he knows for sure i messed up. i need help i am almost ready to give up. I try day after day to show im sorry and it will never happen again but he says he doesnt trust me, im no longer able to go visit my sister bc the town she lives in is where this other person lives. my sister says he is controling and i need to leave that he is just stepping on me and im getting lower and lower. it is so hard after being with this person for 10 years and 2 kids. anyone have any advice

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Asked by lovejoyhope at 1:36 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • i think if he is making you start asking these questions about yourself then he needs to go. no one should make you feel like less than you are or lower your self esteem.

    Answer by TiffanieK at 1:37 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • He is clearly not over your infidelity. He is making you suffer I would tell him that its marriage therapy or nothing at this point. You dont need to be belittled and made to feel the way he is making you feel.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 1:49 AM on Mar. 24, 2011


    Answer by smiley745 at 1:54 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • he sounds very narcissistic . yah, he shouldn't be the one to hold the infidelity over your head, he is just as bad because he was going to bang a chick at a hotel too!!! he is no better than you, just because he didn't complete his rendezvous at hotel fornication doesn't mean he has the right to judge you like this. how do you know he never did any thing in the past?? maybe you just got lucky and he got caught that time. the reason i think he is narcissistic is because he is unwilling to go get help from a counselor. i think at this point you are beating a dead horse. you should start thinking about an exit strategy because he will keep pounding your self esteem in the ground and this isn't healthy.

    Answer by gwen20 at 1:58 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I agree with okmommy. He is not over it and he will continue to make you suffer. You need to lay down the law and say therapy or nothing because he cannont expect YOU to do do all the changing and all the work. Both of you need to work on it and go see someone, If he won't then you need to leave because you have apologized and you are trying, he has no right to make you feel like shit.

    Answer by Rocker.Mom.07 at 2:02 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Well if he wants you to read self help books, I've got a one you might want to read.

    Either you will find the strength to stay or you'll figure it if it's time to go. Loss of trust in a relationship is hard to gain back but if he's not doing his part in trying to trust you again, then you've got nothing to lose in leaving.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:45 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Seems like he's trying to mold you into who he wants you to be..DON'T lose yourself, hunny. No man should ever make you feel like a screw up which is obviously what he's trying to do. And him not wanting to even talk to someone about your relationship just validates that point. Leave him, before you start believing him!!!

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 8:53 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Thank you all so much for your comments. I truly have a lot to think about. It's so hard bc I have been with this person since age 16 now I'm almost 27 but I know god willing I can make it on my own.

    Comment by lovejoyhope (original poster) at 9:05 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

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