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My heart is breaking

My dh is asleep and dosent have a clue but my 18 year old dd who is a senior in highschool said she was going to work tonight and I get a facebook messege at 10:40 saying that she isnt coming back but she will finish school. We have always had a good relationship or so I thought. She said she was always trying to please me and she hasnt been who she truly is around me. Im not that strict of a mom and all I have asked is she does her best. Im sick to my stomache and need some words of encouragement. Has anyone else dealt with this she wont say where she is.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • prayingI hope she changes her mind and comes home.  Even if she doesn't right away, I hope that she'll keep in touch.  Let her know how deeply hurt, worried, and confused you are about the situation.  Always try to keep the lines of communication open no matter how painful.  I'm going through a painful relationship or lack of with my 23 year old daughter (my only daughter) so I feel your pain.  Be grateful if she at least stays in contact with you and don't push her.  Mine lives at home, but cares about nothing or anybody but herself.  I've tried and tried to communicate, but she wants no part of it.  So all I do is pray and pray; prayer is a powerful force.  Good luck, Rosie

    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:15 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I hope she changes her mind (once she realizes it is a mistake) but she is 18 and she can do what she wants. :(
    I am so sorry. My heart would break too if this happened.
    Hatsumomo

    Answer by Hatsumomo at 1:42 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • If she's 18 then you can't 'make' her do anything. You can ask her to meet you, but maybe, a little space wouldn't be dreadful. There are things you can do, but 1st give space. 2nd, recognise that just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you didn't put too much pressure on her. We live in a society that accepts nothing less than A's, super achievers & excellence. It is easy to get swept up into that, Now it's time to stop saying " I think I was reasonable & just wanted her best" & accept that her perception is that she never met your target,it might not have been your intention, but that is how she feels. Apologise, offer to seek family counselling together, ask her to set boundaries for you. She is an adult now, & has the right to say "stop", this is a great opportunity to start over & see her as a young woman, rather than a child, It's okay that there were mistakes made, we ALL make them.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 2:04 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Well Im sorry to say that i had done this too. But i was 17 i had grad. high school i was going to college and working. But there was a boyfriend that had asked to me move in, live with him and i didnt it. And then granted things went south 5 months later we broke up and my parents were there to help me, but i guess i can say let her learn from mistakes. My parents kept trying to keep me from doing their own mistakes but i didnt learn form them telling me i had to go threw the heart ache and pain. Im sorry
    Manda725

    Answer by Manda725 at 4:20 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • make her meet you! you need to know she's alright. she could have someone dangerous in her life that's making her do this. you need to make her prove that this is real.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 1:47 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I am so sorry she could not be mature enough to talk about this face to face and opted for a message on the net. All you can do is make sure she knows you will always be there for her if she ever needs you, other than that there is not much you can do.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:51 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I've been there and done that. It hurts....very badly...especially when you're a good mother. Understand that when children are 18, they might be legally of age...but mentally they are not adults. Secondly, where will she stay? The grass always looks greener on the other side so don't be surprised if she decides to move back after she realizes what a huge mistake she made. I feel that it was very cowardly and rude to not tell you and your hubby in person. I would let her know that. I would also let her know that you will always be there for her but will not enable her to act inappropriately or irresponsibly. (((HUGS)))). I know it's hard...but stay strong and positive and pray for her. She sounds confused. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Im so sorry about your broken heart but i believe if you give your daughter a little space she will come around..I think you are suffering empty nest syndrone and it does get better
    grannybradford

    Answer by grannybradford at 9:47 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • be supportive of her, keep in contact. let her know u love her but she needs to find her place, if u love them set them free if they return they are yours forever if they don't they never were
    lovelife1127

    Answer by lovelife1127 at 11:07 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Thank You to all that have responded. Its been 2 days still no word and her little sister said she didnt go to school. Sad. I do feel a little better so Thank you!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:08 PM on Mar. 25, 2011