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4 Bumps

Is this a legit thing to be pissed about or am I over-reacting?

Okay so, I feel kinda stupid for even asking this, but hey! It's bothering me and the anominity of cafemom seems like a good place to get a non-biased opinion.

So my fiancee chats pretty regular with this girl on FB, which is not a problem. The problem I have is him saying "love ya" to her. They never dated or slept together, but before he and I got together he spoke of her as "somebody I could make my girlfriend" and to be honest, she's a bit of a skank. Not that I haven't had my fare share of slut moments, but this girl is straight-up scandalous. I was just promiscuous, lol.

But anyway, so I've mentioned it to him before and he dismisses it as paranoia, which admittedly it kind of is, but REALLY? All this "love ya" and "miss ya" shit is getting on my nerves. I don't think he'd cheat on me with her, but she'd do it if given the chance.

And firthermore, I strongly believe that if I was telling some guy friend "love ya" he'd say something about it. He already doesn't like a guy friend of mine because he thinks said friend wants me. He does, but I don't want him and he knows that so the sleeping dogs are let to lie. Never mentioned or hinted at or anything of the sort. So is this the same situation and I'm being a hypocrite? Then again, I'm not saying "love ya" and "miss you" on FB for God and all our friends to see now am I? We don't talk like that.

I guess it's stupid, we live far away from our hometown (where she lives) now, so it's not even like they could physically meet. It just bothers me I guess. Is this legit or am I just being a nosey paranoid girlfriend? Would you be pissed? Especially since it's an on-going thing?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:37 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It wouldn't be an ongoing thing in my house.  I would have kicked his ass out long ago and let him go be with her since he "misses" her so much.  Very inappropriate.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:49 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I would be pissed. That mess is not cool.
    Raccoon

    Answer by Raccoon at 3:53 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I would have did the same thing as MrsHouston47302. There's only one person he needs to be telling "love ya " & "miss ya " and its you.
    Liblib430

    Answer by Liblib430 at 4:09 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • badeither you are his everything or his nothing..it sure seems like he is on the fence when it comes to you. he might care about you,but you are not his everything, he is obviously seeking validation/an ego boost from this "friend".

    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 4:29 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • You are right to be ticked off, saying Love ya should not be something he says to her. I would put a stop to it, no good can come of it. If he has a problem with that then he needs to be kicked to the curve, you deserve more respect than that. Good luck.
    Kelly502

    Answer by Kelly502 at 5:09 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • If he did this prior to marrying you, is posting so that the world can see it, and the two of them never meet, my gut says you are over-reacting. However, as your husband, if you've discussed how this bothers you and he has made no effort to assuage your anxiety, THAT is something that needs to be addressed. It may not be that he's having an affair, but if he's so insensitive to how his actions affect you, it will lead to much larger problems later on.

    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 6:24 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I would not be pissed, but I would be unhappy about it.. However, I know that if my husband were doing it and I told him how I felt about it, he would stop.. To tell you the truth, if I told my husband that I wsn't comfortable with their friendship at all he would put an end to it in a heart beat.. Because that is what we do when we love someone.. This includes you and your male friend.. It doesn't matter how you feel about him, the point is how he feels about you.. If your fiance is uncomfortable with the friendship, let it go.. The same should go for him.. The two of you are going to be married, hopefully for the rest of your lives.. Put the focus on each other..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 8:07 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I'd be pissed, and very territorial :D LoL Try telling him how you feel, if he doesn't care to change, maybe he's the something that needs changing! Good luck!
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 8:37 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • What he is doing is not right. And if she were a decent person she'd tell him that he doesn't need to say those things to her.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:59 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

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