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How to deal with someone who wants to know how you are doing but doesnt like hearing how you are doing. i know its complicated*

My grandmother is always asking about us. When i tell her about child support situation, that i'm tired all the time, anything thats not up-beat and super mommy she acts like she is tired of hearing it and is ready to get off the phone with me. Why even bother asking how i am? I understand somewhat, i hate being around people that all they do is talk negative and try to bring others down, but i'm not always like that. I just feel like she only wants to hear the good things going on in my life but if i tell her something bad she doesnt care.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:05 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My moms the same way lol. I asked my aunt the same question. She told me people really dont want to hear about how you really are, what problems there are, or any of that. They just want a white washed version. Keep out all the negative things, and if they ask say I dont want to say anything because I know you dont like it anyway. I tell my mom when she calls now the kids are great, husbands work is fantastic, after school sports is keeping me busy, my friends and me are getting along great and maybe add a funny story and then hang up.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:08 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Just give her a short flippant response " We are good, but all is the same " or "same old same old"
    I am thinking that her asking how you all are doing is just a curtious notion more than an acutal conversation starter for her.

    Answer by Wish2Be at 8:06 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • i agree. sounds like she's asking just to be polite. just start giving her bland answers, and find someone truly supportive. gl

    Answer by AngryBob at 8:09 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I have learned which friends really want to know how things are going in my life and which ones just want to hear something positive. It sounds like she is the type who wants to hear positive stuff. My friends will ask about the negative things if they really care. I never talked about negagtive stuff with a grandparent. I found they wanted to hear how the kids were, and stuff like that, but not what might be bothering me.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:10 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Most people look at "how are you?" or "how are things going?" as more of a small talk, being polite kind of question. They don't really want to know how you are, but they know you'd think they were rude or uncaring if they didn't ask. So they ask, expecting the socially accepted answer of "fine" or "oh, I'm great" or whatever, followed by you returning the question to them so they can give their version of the socially accepted answer.

    Your grandmother's response has shown you that she is one of those people. So, now that you know, when she asks you that question, give a short answer like "fine" or "nothing's changed" or whatever and move on in the conversation. Find those friends/family members who will truly want to know how you are and talk to them about the things you need to talk about.

    If you feel it's something else, then just ask your grandmother what's up with her responses, and see what she says.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:34 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • i agree with the others, some pple just want to hear the positive, they want to stay out of the negative because they dont know what to say, when they tell others how YOU are doing, all they have is the child support thing is making you tired but maybe they lie and say your doing exceptional great, which they dont feel like they should be lieing so it makes them feel guilty.

    just remember that if something bad happens to you...there's only a few that will have your back and help you out. Your grandmother isnt one of them

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:17 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Just say things are going as well as can be expected and leave it at that. Then ask her about her day, her going's on. People can be like that, even family dosnt want to hear a true answer of how ya doing all the time.

    Answer by vbruno at 8:22 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • my grandmother has always helped me

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:24 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I agree with Wendy. She is probably just doing it to be polite. I am not saying you are this extreme...but when I ask my grandmother how she is doing, she sees it as an opportunity to air every grievance she has acquired since the last time we talked...down to the mail man that can't do his job and the way some recipe didn't turn out.

    I think that it is kind of impolite not to listen once you have posted the question, but if she acts inconvenienced by listening to how things are actually going for you, I would just start answering with the generic " are you?"

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:57 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Then tell her the good stuff and don't burden her with the bad.. I'm sure you have other friends you can vent to..

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 9:07 AM on Mar. 24, 2011