Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Now what?

I just had an altercation with my 13 year old daughter about wearing a coat. She put on a spring coat with only a t-shirt under it and it is 22 degrees out. I told her to go back and change and she refused so now she is sitting in her room.She told me she is wearing the spring coat or she isn't going. I told her then maybe I should re-think driving you to the Birthday party sleepover tomorrow. She said "whatever".

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:37 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • At 13 how she looks to other kids is SOO important. have her put a coat over the spring coat. She's only going to go take it off when your out of sight. Pick and choose your battles with teenagers. HEr saying whatever to you cancelling her b-day party is her trying to manipulate you.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 8:40 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I would say threaten the loss of the sleepover, if she still doesn't at least take the coat with her to wear only when outside...I would follow through and not allow her to go.
    LabTech211

    Answer by LabTech211 at 8:40 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I think you should not let her go to the sleepover and threaten to turn her into the truency center. Its where the kids that skip school go. Its kinda like in school suspension, but if you bring your child there voluntarily it wont count against them.
    Wish2Be

    Answer by Wish2Be at 8:40 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • IMHO - this is not battle worthy. Let her wear what she wants, maybe if she spends the day shivering tomorow she will make a different choice. I would not have threatened her with the sleepover ... again just my opinion. We all choose our battles they are different for each of us.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:44 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I completely agree with meooma--this is just not worth fighting over! Don't let these little things tear down your relationship with your daughter...you need a strongly bonded foundation with her to navigate through the next few years of teenagehood and nitpicking little stuff like this will destroy that foundation.
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 8:50 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Eeeeks! Yeah, I wouldn't have made this into a power struggle. I think by the time a kid is 13, we have the responsibility that they have warm clothing available but they get to decide what to wear. Allowing her to feel the natural consequences of poorly dressing will do far more toward her "education" than battling you over it.

    My 10 year old tried this earlier this year (not dressing appropriately). I let him, but I also engineered a little extra time outside so that he could really feel what it would be like to be outside not properly dressed. After about 10 minutes, he asked to go back in the house to get his coat. Now he asks me if he's going to need one.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 8:58 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I agree with meooma.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 9:30 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I'm with meooma too- not something I would go to the mat for. Let her be cold- maybe next time she will listen to you! I can remember in like 5th grade where I went through this stage of not wanting to wear a coat at all, even in the winter, and all I wanted to wear was short sleeves too. The silly things kids do, right? lol
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 9:34 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • TELL HER TO WEAR WHAT SHE WANTS, BUT IF SHE DOESN'T PUT A WINTER COAT ON, THAT YOU WILL NOT TAKE HER AND SHE'S GROUNDED.
    isaboo22

    Answer by isaboo22 at 11:22 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I read an interesting artcile about how kids who wear inappropriate clothes for the weather really don't get sick from it (unless you are in frost bite situation) they will just be cold. Perhaps you can find an 20 minute outdoor chore for her to do in her Spring coat, like washing the car windows and tell her when she is done she can can decide if she needs the winter jacket or not. Even if she remains stubborn deep down she will know you are right because she if frozen.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 2:27 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.