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Divorce, custody ... kind of question

I'm in the state of PA. I am going to file for divorce, a no contested one. We own nothing, other than vehicles. He is taking the one that is paid for, waiting for the title to get switched to his name. I am keeping the van. We have 2 children, so we are going to attend parenting workshop for divorced parents. I would prefer he and I be able to come to an agreement with custody on our own and have the papers I got from a lawyer done and notarized. I don't have thousands of dollars to spend on some lawyer telling us custody arrangements. I feel I should have the kids all week and he get them from Friday after day care to Sunday late afternoon. I think the stability of a normal routine is best. He of course can't agree on anything. He wants to do some crazy split of 2 days here, 2 days there, then alternate consistency for them at all. To add to the mix, he has no job. He is living at his mom's. The ONE job he applied for is swing shifts, long hours. I think he should look for a "normal" job if he is so concerned about spending time with the kids. Plus who knows if he will even sign the papers at the end of the 90 days.
I am at the point where I am just ready to tell him, this is what I am offering for the kids well being. If you don't agree then you get a lawyer and sue me for custody. To top it off in October he is to leave for 6-8 weeks to begin training for deployment (he is national guard). So to me, being civil would make more sense .... but he want TOTAL control, always has.
Am I doing the right thing? Any suggestions or advice of what to watch out for? What to expect, etc. Thanks.


Asked by 2BlondeBabies at 10:45 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,069 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I have first hand experience with this one. My main piece of advice is please don't be naive in any way. Expect the worst always, but of course hope for the best. Record ALL conversations. You never know when some rich relative of his will come out of nowhere and fund his lawyer and try to take your kids from you. Depending on your children's age and your state's laws, you may not have to give him any overnight visitation. I feel for you girl and if you need anything, feel free to write me. This is a tough and long battle even if things aren't super ugly. My ex and I had 1 car and 1 house and I gave him both and just wanted joint custody. He decided if he couldn't have me, he would try to ruin me. Just please be smart and do not assume anything. Always be ready!!!

    Answer by Jeannie721 at 10:59 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Sounds perfectly reasonable. He'd get laughed out of court with his arguments.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:49 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • if you cant agree to custody the divorce isnt uncontested.. you can try for an option to file for custody later but most court systems want custody to be take care of right then and there.. look into a program called legal aid in your area. it is free legal help for low income families

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:48 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I did look into the low income legal aid. they can't help me, other than the papers they gave me for custody arrangements. They can only help if he sues me for custody rights.

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 10:54 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Look Up Parenting Plan and get a blank one. Fill it in. You don't have to have him totally agree to the parenting plan to get the uncontested divorce. Having a plan already made up gives you a starting place. By the time of his deployment he'll have to turn over custody of you anyway so he won't have much choice. Just get things filed and he'll come around.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:58 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • GET A LAWYER! Please do not underestimate the importance of that suit talking to that man in the robe.

    Answer by ...staysinvegas at 11:19 AM on Mar. 24, 2011