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AHHHH! What do I do?

I am so aggrevated right now. Hubby and I have been going through this bs for years. We seem fine, he says he's not happy, I used to be upset but now I just told him if he isn't happy he should separate and find out what he wants. Then he gets mad because he said he can't he'll lose his job, kid, and everything else he's worked for. I say fine then just find someone else you want to be with and we'll stop our relationship (most of the time we're more like friends anyway) . He says he can't because that's cheating. I would otherwise be fine with all of this but he CONSTANTLY tells me how unhappy he is and says he isn't directing it towards me but it feels like it. He thinks he's just not supposed to be married and Cannot be happy. (I'm #3 by the way) i seriously doubt you can ever be happy if you think that you never will. He says he doesn't want to be married but he loves me and I haven't done anything wrong, wtf? How can I not take that personally, I'm who he's married to! It makes me so mad, I can't do anything to satisfy him or help our situation, we've been to counseling, we've gotten back into church, it's not working, financially and schedule-wise with our kids, we cannot make it if we don't live in the same house. What the hell am I supposed to do?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • You would be surprised how you can make it on your own. To say you just cant really means neither one of you is willing to work as hard to be on your own. Perhaps the hubby needs a psychiatrist not a marriage counselor?? It really couldnt hurt at this point. Something is bothering him deep down and he's repressing it if he says he's not happy but cant put his finger on the problem. Often times it's usually that their life just didnt go as they planned and parenthood and up keep of bills and home is much harder than they thought it would be.

    Answer by vbruno at 11:03 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • He needs to see a psychologist.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:17 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Have either of you considered that he might be depressed or something like that? I suffer from depression and anxiety, and my SO also has depression. We've both found that a lot of our problems stemmed from us being unhappy in our own heads, and trying to find fault with the other to try to explain our own unhappiness. "well, you do X and that makes me unhappy, so YOU must be the cause of all my pain and misery."

    If he is depressed, getting that treated could help a lot. It will clear his head and allow him to see his unhappiness isn't caused by you or your relationship. Or at least it will allow him to articulate exactly why he isn't happy in your relationship so that you guys can either fix it or end it instead of this back and forth game he's playing now.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:52 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • he will find out the hard way as they always do...You don't know what you had till its gone.

    Answer by grismelda at 11:14 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I know that I could make it on my own financially but I would have to be away from my kids a lot because I'm finishing school right now, I wouldn't be able to get a really high paying job, I'd have to have two or three to get by especially considering where I live (extremely rural). And my husband works ALL the time and has a job where he switches shifts pretty often. He would not be able to keep his job and care for a child full time. In our area, his job is the only high paying job available without further education (which he also doesn't have time/money for) If we were to live in separate households, we'd both be working a lot and have to put our kid in day care all the time and his kid would go back to live with his mom who is absolutely not stable. If it weren't for the lack of our romantic relationship, we would have a pretty decent life. Unfortunately, that's not enough for us, we think we should be able to be happy

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:15 AM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • There is something wrong with him, he needs to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. It's HIM, which would be why you are #3, BTW. He is terribly confused, or something. He's not happy, doesn't think he should be married, doesn't want to be married, but can't get divorced cause he'd lose his job? Ok? He won't go find someone that would make him happy cause that would be cheating. Ok :/ NO ONE can make him happy in the first place. And in the second place, WHY IS HE CONCERNED WITH WHETHER IT BEING CHEATING?? He's like a damn circus, and I can see why you are mad. I would be, too. He sounds miserable, and he needs help. And a kick in the ass. But, maybe you should just kinda suck it up until you finish school, try to get him to see a psychiatrist and therapist, and when you finish school, leave if you need/want to. Do what's best for you and your kids.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:05 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Agree with first response totally.

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:45 PM on Mar. 24, 2011