Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

THIS is why you don't stay in a bad marriage

Link to the full story in today's Riverside Press-Enterprise: Dad accused of torturing his wife, 5 kids

Some excerpts:

"A San Bernardino man who neighbors said often scared them with his erratic behavior was arrested Wednesday on suspicion of killing his 16-year-old son and injuring his wife and their four other children, sheriff's officials said...."

"....Sofia Symeou said she knew the mother, who she knew as Sue, and often gave food and toys to the kids -- but didn't talk to the father. He got angry once when he found out she had given the kids some food, she said.

"He would sit out drinking and stuff and yelling to himself," she said.

Sofia Symeou said Sujal Rodriquez alluded to marital difficulties in a recent conversation and wanting to leave but staying because of their children."

-------------------------------------------------------

A woman is in critical condition this morning. If she's still alive. It is her husband's fault, of course, for inflicting the injuries... but it's a cautionary tale. Do NOT stay for the sake of the children. They WILL NOT thank you for it. They will curse you for it. Provided they live through it.

Answer Question
 
gdiamante

Asked by gdiamante at 12:51 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 37 (90,821 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Great advice! As a former counselor, I often remind people (both men and women) of horror stories of what can happen if you stay in an abusive (physical or emotional) relationship. INstead of staying for your children -- GET OUT FOR YOUR CHILDREN!
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 12:53 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • This is so sad!!! I like in Riverside county so when I saw this I was like what? This is soooo horrible. God bless those kids and the mother should feel horrible every time she looks at her children and especially her dead son. This is not his first time showing signs of abuse clearly from the statements of neighbors she should have been left but some women rather live "comfortable and in a abusive situation" than happy and safe! It's so sad!
    prissysayshi

    Answer by prissysayshi at 1:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • That is an extreme case...in that situation YES she should have left, but some people can stay in a marriage for the kids and still be happy. You dont have to necessarily be IN love to be in a happy marriage.
    nsrush83

    Answer by nsrush83 at 1:05 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Thanks for this. Too many women often don''t see this reality.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:08 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I don't agree with nsrush83's response at all. Yes, this was an extreme case...but it's definitely not unheard of. These cases are all too frequent these days. I don't believe that someone who is unhappy in their marital relationship can stay SOLELY because of their children and be happy. You don't call that a "happy marriage". A happy marriage is when you each flourish personally and together and as a family. You don't have to be "in love" but being in love isn't the only factor in a marriage...or any romantic relationship, for that matter.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:41 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Sometimes there is no way out and the longer you stay the lower your self esteem becomes and you begin to think you deserve the abuse. leaving is not as simple as some might think it is. and when you do leave the man follows you and torments you and so you go back.
    alotleft2do

    Answer by alotleft2do at 2:09 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Great post!!!! This should be on the site as a reminder tool for everyone to read daily!!!!! I hear too often, that women stayed for the sake of the children without really realizing that the kids are in harms way...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:09 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • nsrush, I disagree. By staying in a bad marriage, even without abuse, you are setting a poor example for your children of what they should expect in a marriage.

    I know that "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder," but too many of these alleged marriages had nothing to do with God at all and everything to do with lust, greed, sloth or pride... and all of those belong to His opposite number.

    alotleft2do (love that screen name, BTW).. I understand the self esteem argument. And that's why I think it is SO important that we teach our daughters that their self esteem must be based on nothing external to them but on what's inside their hearts and minds. And every woman needs to know it's NEVER too late to learn to stand up for yourself.. never until you're dead.
    gdiamante

    Comment by gdiamante (original poster) at 3:11 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • One more thought for alotleft2do... when the man follows, you call the police.

    Real Men can handle rejection.
    gdiamante

    Comment by gdiamante (original poster) at 3:13 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I was not referring to a BAD marriage. I was referring to a couple who are not really IN love. You can love your spouse with out being IN love with them.

    Alot of marriages have bad times. If the couple will be committed to the marriage and see it through, they usually end up with a happier marriage than they had before.

    In cases of abuse though, YES they should leave!
    nsrush83

    Answer by nsrush83 at 3:14 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN