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I think my daycare provider favors her child while caring for mine....

I am sure its not completely uncommon for in home providers to probably understand or favor their own child but It bothers me.. my son, 3, has come home a couple times saying "Tommy isn't nice to be" "tommy calls me a whiner" so of course I bring this to her attention and of course she says she doesn't let any child be hurtful towards another and they all get treated the same and he surely would get talked to and in trouble if he was not being nice to another child.. but ex: last night I went to pick up my son and he comes running to me and Tommy stands in front of him like a gate, ok fine, just normal kids being kids but it seems to always be things like this towards Max, then this morning my son was already in an overwhelmed emotional meltdown mode and tommy stands right in front of the tv where no one else could see this - while my provider is right there and didn't say anything, so I aksed him to move so everyone else could see and he didn't and at the same time my son started bawling ( he is also very emotional child and over sensitive so I have a hard time figuring out what is what here ) so I had to leave after I got him calmed down.. I can't tell what is normal kid behavior but I have to think if Max were standing in front of the tv or calling kids names, I know he'd be in trouble for it because I don't like that either.. but how do you say something to the provider AGAIN when it could be kids being kids or my son being TOO sensitive or would you admit, yeah, I let tommy get away with more maybe because he's mine.. all around my son LOVES his daycare but I guess it bothers me... woudl it bother anyone else or am I totally being over bearing FOR my son lol!~ I tend to baby him because he is so extremely sensitive too ( diagnosed through ECI with severe anxiety and social issues )


Asked by maxsmom11807 at 1:38 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • If he overwhelmingly loves his daycare, then I wouldn't worry about it, especially since he's kids have anxiety/social issues, too, so I understand your dillemma...take care, mama, one day at a time....also, if you have anxieties about the situation, he will too.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 1:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • That's a tough one. I think we are all a little bit defensive of our own children...and I would imagine especially so if you have a child with ECI. I taught preschool and heard a lot of parents with the same complaints. But the parents don't see everything. Sometimes one child is having a "rough" day and is a little mean to the other kids and then it's another child's turn. I always took the approach of trying to teach the kids to use their words and defend themselves (with words, of course). I believe it's very important to give our children tools to communicate with other children...and not always rush to their rescue. With that said, sometimes we do need to intervene.

    I would go off your child's love for his daycare. Ultimately, if he's happy going then I wouldn't worry too much about it.

    Answer by ladylooloo at 1:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I had a sitter come to my house to watch my boys and we agreed it would be okay for her to bring her 6 month old with her. One morning she came in and her son was asleep and she put him down in the bed we had for him. My kids of course had just gotten up and were in play mode. I left and then about an hour later had to go back home for something and heard her screaming at my kids to be quiet because her son was still asleep. That didn't work for me at all...sent her home right then. Thankfully found a daycare with opening and the boys started the next day. I was really upset that she had done that.

    Answer by meooma at 2:55 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • If anything I think I would be more favorable to someone elses child.  They are the guest in our home, etc.  My children would definitely be in trouble for that kind of behavior.  I don't call any of them "whiners" when they are having a meltdown and I wouldn't tolerate them calling another child that.  My son has the horrible habit of standing in front of the television but it is not something he does on purpose.  If I didn't notice, and somebody else did, I would tell him to sit down.  That's just rude.  And okay, so you already know that your son is sensitive but that doesn't make his feelings any less valid.  This kid is bothering him and the examples you have given are more than a valid reason to be upset.  I would talk to her again or find another sitter.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 1:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Gosh I am torn as to what to tell you,, I guess you have witnessed this with your own eyes, and you have brought it to her attention,, I would investigate other daycares just to see what is out there, at 3 he might be ready for a more pre-school type setting,, sounds like Tommy is a bit of a bully,, lol,, and it might get worse as he gets older,,good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:57 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I am also overly sensitive and emotional about my child but it just makes me wonder what else is happening that you haven't witnessed and just how overall your child is being taught about simple things like taking turns and sharing. I have probably posted this 100 times but I would go with your gut and if you feel its not right start poking into other options.

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 2:06 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Well, he doesn't overwhelmingly love anything but being home, which isn't in the cards for us sadly.. he doesn't even want to stay at grandmas sometimes... we had to take him out of the Daycare Center because he couldn't transition in to that actual preschool setting which is one of the reasons we did have him tested through ECI and he was also getting bit and pushed by the other kids that were being "shadowed" at the time even.. We tell him its ok to stand up for himself or tell His provider if anyone does or says anything mean to him but he isn't one to do that.. he just gets upset and cries and at that point, he can't tell you what is or was wrong even when he calms down, he'll just say he's upset.. I wasn't really born with that "gut" instinct sadly or this wouldn't be an issue at all - I wish I had that gut feeling that other mothers seem to have!!

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Mar. 24, 2011