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3 Bumps

How to ignore something I read

ok. it was on my sd fb pg..I just noticed she puts the guy her mom lied about & said was her dad, as her father..yes she grew up w/ him until we found her at age 8 But it makes me feel like she doesn't consider us family. There isn't even a mention of our daughter, her half-sister. When we beg her to call to say If she is visiting she Never does. (she got a cell phone for christmas so there are 2 phones at home) She misses weekends at a time. Some times I just wanna Not answer the door If she does show up.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Please try to keep in mind that the categories on FB are pre-set. She may have wanted to put him somewhere linked, but there is no place to put "sorta dad". A lot of people won't link to anyone, not even a spouse, so just try to remember that it is only facebook. How often does she visit? If she is a young adult, living away, once a month would not be out of the question. They get so tied up in social stuff and so busy . . . . she'll probably visit more once she settles down.

    It's really confusing to grow up in a world with biological parents, step parents, adoptive parents, long-term papa figures, and such . . . I might just cut her some slack. It is hard to navigate.

    And, I totally get why your feeling are hurt . . . you love her. But I bet her intentions are not to shut you out.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • It's her prerogative to list her family on FB as she sees fit. Sure it's hurtful to you... but it's how she sees things. Just pretend like you never saw it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • It is her choice who she wants to list or consider as family, which I do understand can be and probably is very hurtful. You didn't mention what age she is now, but if your family didn't come into her life until she was 8, it is very possible she doesn't consider you family right now. Her world was probably turned upside when she found out the man she knew as her dad wasn't really her dad, maybe she feels like she would be giving him up if she accepts your family now? Hard to say.
    I would try to let it go, but continue to let her know you are there for her and you do love her if you really do want a relationship to be built. Good Luck.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:19 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I think you need to let it go and let her live her life in this regard. The more you push or make an issue, the bigger it will become. This is how she feels, you need to accept it. She was very impressionable up to age 8, so it is probably hurtful to her to find out he was not her father. She sounds like she could have a lot of confusing issues, so give her a little break I guess. Also, you are more mature, the adult, so do the adult thing, even though it is hard and put your feelings on the back burner for her.

    However, ignoring this isn't to say that you can't take her out to lunch one day and directly ask her how she views your family's role in her life. Or find out what you can do to make her feel more at home with you perhaps? Just a suggestion. I am sure it isn't an easy thing.

    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 3:22 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I think you cut her some slack. She did know this guy as dad for 8 years. I mean, imagine finding out at any age that the person you've been told is your dad is not, and someone else is and now you're expected to be a part of his family, too. Believe me, I know it's hard from your perspective as well, but clearly she is the biggest victim of her mother's lies. And she can either hate her mother, which is not easy for any child to really do, or she can be in denial or try to avoid the problem by not hanging out with you guys, etc. There's no easy way to handle something like this especially at such a young age. I think you just need to be as patient and loving as you can and give it time. Keep trying and reaching out. Of course it isn't your fault that her mother lied either, but you are just more mature and able to look at the bigger picture more than the girl can. I hope things get better for all of you. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:29 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I know it hurts your feelings it would mine but ignore it. Maybe she is doing these things to get a rise out of you for some reason. Youll never know her reasons for what she does. Do your best to take the high road with her.
    katcb1019

    Answer by katcb1019 at 11:37 PM on Mar. 27, 2011